Today is particularly bad. Actually it started last night. Thought I was going to have to take husband to emergency room. Turned out ok. Today he says he felt soreness in chest while doing atm and shoulder exercises. But he doesn't tell me until he's finished. I ask once or twice are you alright. He says yes. Then when we have almost completed the exercises he says he's not alright. He asked me if I saw any redness on his chest after the exercise. More stress did I let him do to much? I'm the one telling him what exercises to do and counting the repetitions. The electric machine would not work right today. Didn't open his hand. And I kept moving the patches but didn't work. He complained of pain on setting that yesterday was fine. His pants keep sliding down. Even with tight belt. He keeps asking me to pull up or stops walking to pull up himself. Finally got new pants yesterday but have to pin up and take to be hemmed. Cause he is so short.

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Barbara, contact your husband's doctor and ask for a script for home care. It'll help with his PT, so that would be at least one aspect with which you'd have help.

When you write that you tell him what to do, I assume that you're following instructions provided by a physical or occupational therapist and not making decisions on exercises yourself?

Medicare will in fact pay for home care for someone recovering from a serious illness. It paid for several rounds of periodic home care for my father post rehab. The physical therapist accompanied him on short walks outside and around the neighborhood. I wouldn't consider that homebound (he didn't drive) but otherwise was able to be mobile.

Document your husband's complaints and specific pains, and ask a therapist when you get home care if he's performing the exercises properly. If he does have legitimate pain, it's an issue to be addressed by a medical professional.

From what you've written over several months, neither your husband (or your brother) are going to be satisfied with what you do. Set a level at which your attempt to placate your husband stops. You're not a miracle worker and your husband needs to accept that, as do you, now before this escalates.

As to pants, just buy some with elasticized waists.

And accept that you can't solve all his problems; he's going to complain, but you need to establish a tolerance level for yourself, one at which you realize you've done what you can and that's it.

None of us in these caregiving roles can solve all the problems that come up, and sometimes they just don't have solutions. You have to develop the ability to know what can and can't be solved.
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He tried suspenders. It hurt his shoulder. I bought pants a size smaller. Hopefully that works. Tried to get home help agency help payed by medicare. Found out medicare won't pay unless you need skilled nursing and are homebound. Paying for agencies myself is real expensive. We can afford it but we arnt rich.. We don't want to take a chance on a person that put add in paper or college student. Safer to pay the money for agency.
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You need some help in the home
Even a housekeeper or a college kid to do some of these errands for you

When I brought mom home from rehab before the holidays last year my dear college roommate made us dinner on Sunday's during the holidays so I didn't have to cook and we had leftovers for a couple of days

Exhaustion and stress are crippling
Even now with mom in memory care - I'm exhausted from being there and worrying about her when I'm not
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Would he wear suspenders?
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Do you have enough money saved so he could perhaps spent a month in an AL while he convalesces? I think he would benefit from the reassurance of having nurses on site and you would benefit from not having to be his everything, we are not all cut out to be caregivers. Barring that I think you need to schedule some face time with your psychiatrist to talk out your anxiety and strategize ways to cope, perhaps you also need to tweak your meds some more.
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Hadnuff, wish I lived nearby to give you a hug, you have been through so much.

Ah yes, physical therapy after surgery or after a broken bone... it can cause soreness in the chest if one is doing arm/shoulder exercises. Gosh I remember when I was sweeping out the garage, I felt pain in my chest and it scared me... off to Urgent Care we went... it was just a pulled muscle.

For your hubby's pants, try suspenders to see if that would help. I don't know if the clips would be strong enough to hold onto the pants. Tight belts aren't good, it could cause acid reflux which sometimes mimic a heart attack. My Dad said a good rope would work as a belt :P

Now for you, ask your primary doctor to give you something to calm you down. I am currently taking xanax and it does keep my emotions on an even keel. Gosh wish i would have taken this med years ago. It is the lowest dosage made, and I could snap it in half to try for a couple of weeks. I hate taking pills but eventually one has to give in to keep from crashing and burning through all this.
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