My father became hospitalized this summer- it had happened before, but usually for only a few days, and, like before, it fell to me to stay with my mother who is in her 80's and has dementia. Dad got worse and I had to take off work for several weeks. My brother is in another state and self-employed, and though I kept him in the loop, he did not come home. I found someone to care for Mom after using most of my leave, and was able to go back to work. My brother, meanwhile, did not come home until just before my father was sent home with hospice. So, even though there wasn't much he could have done by being here, it was up to me to deal with Dr.'s, Mom's home care and my own home (I am single), before and after I went back to work. My brother did handle paperwork in the week or two after Dad's passing, since we're trying to locate enough assets to cover long-term care for my mother. I thought all was going well until he came in this week & decided he wants our mother to take a supplement that is derived from hemp for her RA. I questioned the legality of it and it escalated into a full-blown argument. He accused me of not caring for our mother's pain, of causing problems because I work nights & have to sleep during the day (of course I WAS up during the weeks I was using up my leave taking care of Mom), of wanting everything my way- during the time he was on the west coast of the country with his girlfriend. We were not in a good place when we got off the phone. We are both in our 50's (I'm the eldest), and he reduced me to a crying mess. I've been beating up on myself because I feel I could have handled things better with my father. He was controlling and no matter what I suggested, like changing doctors since I did not think his gp was good or asking him to downsize to a smaller house so I could check on them daily, he refused. Now I have my brother sticking the knife in. I've felt really alone except for my friends who tell me I did the best I could. We have few close relatives and none in town. I think I must not be the only person experiencing this. I just don't understand why he just unloaded on me for questioning his wanting to give her a supplement. Mom has dementia & can't decide these things for herself. I told him he wouldn't like it if I made decisions regarding her care without consulting him. Any input would be appreciated- I'm at a loss.