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I do get respite care to come in. I don’t feel like he is ready for AL or a NH. His body is still in fair shape.


i have a rare disease called Addison’s Disease & I’m not supposed to be around stress. I have no family nearby. I’ve had to call the cops twice. I’m scared he will hurt me one of these days.

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Also talk to his doctor, my dad was being violent and abusive scaring my stepmother. The police were called several times. He was taken on a 72 hour hold A few times, finally was prescribed medication that now keeps him calm. She was very close to putting him in an assisted living facility. Good luck hope you can get some help.
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Reply to Kerryangelarae
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Playitagain Jan 10, 2019
My husband is a doctor but won't go to a doctor. I know it sounds weird but many doctors are like that. My doctor will prescribe something to calm his mind for sundowners syndrome but he won't take it.
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Have you looked into alternate care for him? Would he need Medicaid?
A consultation with a NAELA certified elder attorney could help you navigate how to protect your income as a community spouse. Just getting the ground work done might give you a degree of comfort. You would not have so much to do when the time comes.
Do you have POA for him? Be sure to talk to his doctor about this behavior. He might benefit from a review of his medication.
Dont just wait for the behavior to escalate. Make a well thought out plan for when you are ready. There will never be an easier time to get this done.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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The next time you sense that your husband is about to “lose it”, call the police immediately. He is already on their radar as an abuser and they will come out immediately. They will probably either call an ambulance or take him to a psychiatric facility themselves for him to be tested. Explain to the people there that he is violent, you are ill, and you cannot take care of him any longer, that you are afraid he will hurt you. Every home has knives and scissors and I would be quite concerned that he may attack you unprovoked at some point.

There is no shame in this and you should feel no guilt. You aren’t doing this because you are a terrible person and you hate him. You’re doing it because it’s time and this is what he needs.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Againx100 is correct.  You are in danger of being hurt.  It is a real possibility, and you've already had to call police.  His mind is going.  It isn't an intentional threat, but very real anyway.  If you ever feel threatened again, you could ask the police to bring him to the psych ward for observation.  Meanwhile, look for a solution so you do not end up in worse health.
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Reply to GrannieAnnie
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Scary stuff. Does your husband have dementia? I know that being nasty and violent can be one of the unfortunate stages of that disease for some people.

AL and NH isn't just when the body fails, but the mind also. It sounds like you could be in some level of danger, even if he would never intentionally, in his right mind, want to hurt you.

Caregivers do need to try to take care of themselves too. Your disease may progress due to the negative, stressful conditions you appear to be living in.
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Playitagain Jan 10, 2019
Yes, its scary stuff. He does have dementia & its getting worse. A lot of our days are normal but he is starting to be confused in the daytime too and is not aware of it.

He is a doctor himself and won't go to a doctor. He only trusts one doctor and that is an infectious disease doctor who he thinks saved his life years ago. He has no need to go to this doctor and this doctor see's him out of respect to my husband.

I know Caregivers who don't take care of themselves bite the dust too soon so I'm trying to find someone to help me out and tell me what to do.

Thank you for your input.
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