I'm 73 and don't know how to have fun or make my life more enjoyable. Any advice?

Hi - you know I'm having issues with my elderly parents which is why I'm on this message board but I am 54 and am also sad and lonely. Not that this will make you feel better but it may make you feel less alone. To look at me you would never think I was alone or feeling lonely. My point is we are surrounded by people everyday - so maybe go out for coffee or a drink or even a movie alone and you may meet a friend. You can also go to a meet up website and try to find an activity you like where you. An meet up with others. Or start your own group --- or take a class - it actually sounds like you are pretty busy - maybe even go to a therapist and talk about why you feel so lonely and what you would like to do. I am single and have no children - not many friends - you are already doing much better than myself. Maybe if you can afford it, go on a vacation - talk to your doctor beforehand - go with a group tour - try to find happiness within - I like to read a lot and I draw and I watch movies - it seems boring compared to how my life used to be but it does give me pleasure . And finally the greatest thing you can do when you feel this way is to volunteer your time to those who may not be as fortunate as you are . Of course I need to take my own advice but I'm working on it. The world is filled with many people and they say you receive from the universe what you put out . I'm happy to write to you more and see how things are going - good luck I

Kss,
I bet your friend that is in Assisted Living misses you terribly! She may be reluctant to ask you to come visit because you did so much for her when her husband passed away. When you get your urinary issues resolved try paying her a visit and see how that goes.

I live in rural Texas about 30 minutes from town. My husband travels for his job. He has been working on a job/jobs in Kansas. I am in charge of the ranch 95% of the time. Small town life has so many advantages but there are drawbacks also. My neighbor spends a lot of time at the Senior Citizens Center in town. She is also in a Bunco group at the hospital they host for Senior Citizens. Have you thought of volunteering with the hospital? In our town the hospital volunteers greet visitors, deliver flowers to patient rooms, even get to work in the nursery with the babies and work in the gift shop.

This is just an idea, but since no one can guarantee you will be seeing a good movie alternate between you and your husband as to who picks the movie! Then as you are leaving the movie someone gets to say "boy, you can pick em"! Don't ask me why I am suggesting that.😉

The first post did post - "I'll try this one more time" or similar, I think it was headed? -I was replying to it but after I clicked on Post Answer I got the "no longer exists" message. No idea what can have happened to it.

Doesn't matter.

K, I was pleased to read that you are getting out and about, if not as much as you would like, in your new town. But when you mention loneliness specifically as the problem, and then say that what you used to enjoy was - essentially - hanging out with your friends, and then you describe how most of them have moved on one way or another. It does sound an awful lot like loss, rather than loneliness - especially seeing as you *have* got out there and broken the ice with new groups. These people were your buddies, you valued them and they you; but time has passed and does what it does.

I don't know that there's anything very helpful one can say about that.

I'm also glad that you're getting your doctors to take the recurrent infection seriously - all too easily dismissed, and it's a pity because for one thing they can get out of control, and anyway even if they don't, even a low grade or grumbling problem can be demoralising and debilitating. So I hope the appointment goes well and your urologist has some constructive ideas. Please do come back and let us know.

You have a 77 year old husband. I think you qualify as an AgingCare forum member!

Thank you so much - didn't think about faxing me a prescription - if he says no to writing one out maybe he can tell me he can fax me one if I call during office hours or not on office hours - I will add that to my list of 6 questions - now I have 7 questions to ask him - thank you for answering - going on a bus for now wouldn't work for me with my bladder problem - this is a nice forum - am I ok with posting on this forum - maybe since it is a caregiver forum I should post some other place - if so, can you recommend a forum for my problem or should I stay here - anyway - thank you SO much for answering me - you are very kind.

Well, this isn't a caregiver question, is it? So you may not get responses from persons with a lot of experience with your situation. But the answers you do get will be very well-intended.

I'm glad you are seeing your urologist this week. If you get a clean bill of health, will that reduce your anxiety somewhat?

I also suggest seeing a mental health therapist. Since you are in a small town this may involve some travel, but I'll bet you can find one within a 30 minute drive. Ask your PCP for a referral. I'm not equating loneliness with mental illness! But I think you could use some support in how you deal with your feelings. Depression and anxiety are treatable.

You lost your good friends. That is very sad. Do you mean you lost them when you moved away? Or they died? Do you have friends left in CA? Staying in touch with distant friends has never been easier. I couldn't leave my house often while I was caregiving my husband who had dementia. I sometimes made phone dates with a friend. I'd call at a prearranged time and we'd talk as we would if we had met for lunch. Is this the same as a 4 hour gab fest at McD's? Of course not. But it is better than moping in loneliness. Skype and smart phones make seeing the person we are chatting with possible, too.

The friend in AL whom you used to help a lot? I'll bet she would be thrilled to have you visit. I sure hope she is making new friends there. But that doesn't mean she wants to break all connections to the past. You are thinking, "She doesn't need me now so she doesn't contact me," and she may be thinking, "I guess it is out of sight out of mind. kssfgirl hasn't contacted me. Maybe she is embarrassed about the assisted living place." Make an effort to reestablish that relationship.

I can empathize with you about traveling with a health problem. I have a GI problem and when it flares up I limit how much I leave the house to the things that are really important, and then I take all the precautions I can. Recently it was important to me to go to Peru (!) and also to a relative's graduation. Surely visiting your daughter would fall into the "really important" category. When you visit the doctor tomorrow, ask if he would fax a prescription if you get certain symptoms while you are away. Then relax and go!

Do you go to the senior center? Sometimes small towns have excellent programs. My aunt played the spoons in their kitchen band for years! Sometimes they load up a bus or van and travel to a bigger city to see a play. They typically have folks who play cards together, and often teach new games.

I have to leave now to go to Bible study but will check my computer when I get back. I am hoping I get answers tomorrow at the dr office. I called Sr center and signed up for lunch there after my dr appt. Thank you for responding to me. You are so kind.

Hmmmm. There's a couple of things I hear in your post.

First off, I suspect your first post didn't get deleted, I suspect in never posted for some reason. The admins on this site don't monitor posts as they come in. I hear your worry about getting an infection away from home and having to do a ton of papetwork. And I hear that a friend who went to assisted living probably made new friends and doesn't need you anymore.

Maybe your friend wh went to assisted living has had some cognitive losses and can't manage to write. Send her a card or note and ask her to write back.

See the urologist, but also go see your regular doctor and talk about the fact that you're feeling down and how worried/anxious you are.

Are there volunteer opportunities in your town?

Why was it deleted? I wrote quite a bit - maybe the person who handles this board felt it wasnt a caregiver problem - not sure. I have had bladder infections 4 times in 5 months and tomorrow going to see my urologist. He did CT scan and all was normal - but would like to visit my daughter who is 2-1/2 hours from here but afraid if I get another infection I would have to have her haul me to ER and probably would have to fill out tons of forms and then find a pharmacy - am going to ask for a prescription tomorrow just in case but last time he wouldn't do it. So dont like to venture too far from here - only a 30-minute drive here or there.

Mainly going out with friends for different events - we used to sit by McDonalds and visit for a few hours at a time - there were 4 of us and now they are all gone except one who went to an Assisted Living facility which is an hour from here and dont hear from her since she moved there - she has made her own friends there apparently. Did a lot for her when her husband died but now she doesn't need me. Mainly going out with my lady friends - my husband doesn't like to go to movies much unless I can guarantee that it is a good show. We dont do a lot of things together - but do go to church and once in a while go out for dinner - when he comes home he is tired and doesn't want to do anything which makes sense since he is 77 years old and wears himself out at the farm. Really I have a very quiet life. I do all my housework myself and mowing also since he is tired when he gets home so I cant ask for any assistance with the house which sometimes gets to be a big job but still do it.

I tried to reply on your previous thread but it had been deleted, not sure why.

What used you to enjoy doing before you moved to this smaller town?

yes.

Do you have a senior center nearby?