I'm 73 and don't know how to have fun or make my life more enjoyable. Any advice?

Do you have a senior center nearby?

yes.

I tried to reply on your previous thread but it had been deleted, not sure why.

What used you to enjoy doing before you moved to this smaller town?

Mainly going out with friends for different events - we used to sit by McDonalds and visit for a few hours at a time - there were 4 of us and now they are all gone except one who went to an Assisted Living facility which is an hour from here and dont hear from her since she moved there - she has made her own friends there apparently. Did a lot for her when her husband died but now she doesn't need me. Mainly going out with my lady friends - my husband doesn't like to go to movies much unless I can guarantee that it is a good show. We dont do a lot of things together - but do go to church and once in a while go out for dinner - when he comes home he is tired and doesn't want to do anything which makes sense since he is 77 years old and wears himself out at the farm. Really I have a very quiet life. I do all my housework myself and mowing also since he is tired when he gets home so I cant ask for any assistance with the house which sometimes gets to be a big job but still do it.

Why was it deleted? I wrote quite a bit - maybe the person who handles this board felt it wasnt a caregiver problem - not sure. I have had bladder infections 4 times in 5 months and tomorrow going to see my urologist. He did CT scan and all was normal - but would like to visit my daughter who is 2-1/2 hours from here but afraid if I get another infection I would have to have her haul me to ER and probably would have to fill out tons of forms and then find a pharmacy - am going to ask for a prescription tomorrow just in case but last time he wouldn't do it. So dont like to venture too far from here - only a 30-minute drive here or there.

Hmmmm. There's a couple of things I hear in your post.

First off, I suspect your first post didn't get deleted, I suspect in never posted for some reason. The admins on this site don't monitor posts as they come in. I hear your worry about getting an infection away from home and having to do a ton of papetwork. And I hear that a friend who went to assisted living probably made new friends and doesn't need you anymore.

Maybe your friend wh went to assisted living has had some cognitive losses and can't manage to write. Send her a card or note and ask her to write back.

See the urologist, but also go see your regular doctor and talk about the fact that you're feeling down and how worried/anxious you are.

Are there volunteer opportunities in your town?

I have to leave now to go to Bible study but will check my computer when I get back. I am hoping I get answers tomorrow at the dr office. I called Sr center and signed up for lunch there after my dr appt. Thank you for responding to me. You are so kind.

Well, this isn't a caregiver question, is it? So you may not get responses from persons with a lot of experience with your situation. But the answers you do get will be very well-intended.

I'm glad you are seeing your urologist this week. If you get a clean bill of health, will that reduce your anxiety somewhat?

I also suggest seeing a mental health therapist. Since you are in a small town this may involve some travel, but I'll bet you can find one within a 30 minute drive. Ask your PCP for a referral. I'm not equating loneliness with mental illness! But I think you could use some support in how you deal with your feelings. Depression and anxiety are treatable.

You lost your good friends. That is very sad. Do you mean you lost them when you moved away? Or they died? Do you have friends left in CA? Staying in touch with distant friends has never been easier. I couldn't leave my house often while I was caregiving my husband who had dementia. I sometimes made phone dates with a friend. I'd call at a prearranged time and we'd talk as we would if we had met for lunch. Is this the same as a 4 hour gab fest at McD's? Of course not. But it is better than moping in loneliness. Skype and smart phones make seeing the person we are chatting with possible, too.

The friend in AL whom you used to help a lot? I'll bet she would be thrilled to have you visit. I sure hope she is making new friends there. But that doesn't mean she wants to break all connections to the past. You are thinking, "She doesn't need me now so she doesn't contact me," and she may be thinking, "I guess it is out of sight out of mind. kssfgirl hasn't contacted me. Maybe she is embarrassed about the assisted living place." Make an effort to reestablish that relationship.

I can empathize with you about traveling with a health problem. I have a GI problem and when it flares up I limit how much I leave the house to the things that are really important, and then I take all the precautions I can. Recently it was important to me to go to Peru (!) and also to a relative's graduation. Surely visiting your daughter would fall into the "really important" category. When you visit the doctor tomorrow, ask if he would fax a prescription if you get certain symptoms while you are away. Then relax and go!

Do you go to the senior center? Sometimes small towns have excellent programs. My aunt played the spoons in their kitchen band for years! Sometimes they load up a bus or van and travel to a bigger city to see a play. They typically have folks who play cards together, and often teach new games.

Thank you so much - didn't think about faxing me a prescription - if he says no to writing one out maybe he can tell me he can fax me one if I call during office hours or not on office hours - I will add that to my list of 6 questions - now I have 7 questions to ask him - thank you for answering - going on a bus for now wouldn't work for me with my bladder problem - this is a nice forum - am I ok with posting on this forum - maybe since it is a caregiver forum I should post some other place - if so, can you recommend a forum for my problem or should I stay here - anyway - thank you SO much for answering me - you are very kind.

The first post did post - "I'll try this one more time" or similar, I think it was headed? -I was replying to it but after I clicked on Post Answer I got the "no longer exists" message. No idea what can have happened to it.

Doesn't matter.

K, I was pleased to read that you are getting out and about, if not as much as you would like, in your new town. But when you mention loneliness specifically as the problem, and then say that what you used to enjoy was - essentially - hanging out with your friends, and then you describe how most of them have moved on one way or another. It does sound an awful lot like loss, rather than loneliness - especially seeing as you *have* got out there and broken the ice with new groups. These people were your buddies, you valued them and they you; but time has passed and does what it does.

I don't know that there's anything very helpful one can say about that.

I'm also glad that you're getting your doctors to take the recurrent infection seriously - all too easily dismissed, and it's a pity because for one thing they can get out of control, and anyway even if they don't, even a low grade or grumbling problem can be demoralising and debilitating. So I hope the appointment goes well and your urologist has some constructive ideas. Please do come back and let us know.

You have a 77 year old husband. I think you qualify as an AgingCare forum member!

Kss,
I bet your friend that is in Assisted Living misses you terribly! She may be reluctant to ask you to come visit because you did so much for her when her husband passed away. When you get your urinary issues resolved try paying her a visit and see how that goes.

I live in rural Texas about 30 minutes from town. My husband travels for his job. He has been working on a job/jobs in Kansas. I am in charge of the ranch 95% of the time. Small town life has so many advantages but there are drawbacks also. My neighbor spends a lot of time at the Senior Citizens Center in town. She is also in a Bunco group at the hospital they host for Senior Citizens. Have you thought of volunteering with the hospital? In our town the hospital volunteers greet visitors, deliver flowers to patient rooms, even get to work in the nursery with the babies and work in the gift shop.

This is just an idea, but since no one can guarantee you will be seeing a good movie alternate between you and your husband as to who picks the movie! Then as you are leaving the movie someone gets to say "boy, you can pick em"! Don't ask me why I am suggesting that.😉

Hi - you know I'm having issues with my elderly parents which is why I'm on this message board but I am 54 and am also sad and lonely. Not that this will make you feel better but it may make you feel less alone. To look at me you would never think I was alone or feeling lonely. My point is we are surrounded by people everyday - so maybe go out for coffee or a drink or even a movie alone and you may meet a friend. You can also go to a meet up website and try to find an activity you like where you. An meet up with others. Or start your own group --- or take a class - it actually sounds like you are pretty busy - maybe even go to a therapist and talk about why you feel so lonely and what you would like to do. I am single and have no children - not many friends - you are already doing much better than myself. Maybe if you can afford it, go on a vacation - talk to your doctor beforehand - go with a group tour - try to find happiness within - I like to read a lot and I draw and I watch movies - it seems boring compared to how my life used to be but it does give me pleasure . And finally the greatest thing you can do when you feel this way is to volunteer your time to those who may not be as fortunate as you are . Of course I need to take my own advice but I'm working on it. The world is filled with many people and they say you receive from the universe what you put out . I'm happy to write to you more and see how things are going - good luck I

Volunteering to help others always makes me feel useful and lift my spirits.
Blessings,
Jamie

Thank you - I am going to lunch at sr center today again - went yesterday too - at least it is nice not eating lunch alone - for $3.25 you can't beat that - I dont go every day but once in a while it is nice to see these seniors. I am a senior too - some people think of the senior center as too old for them - but we have to get over that thought as we are one of them plus they are nice and they do visit - maybe I can write again - hope it is ok as this is a caregiver board - but someone did say it is ok - it is nice to be able to vent with someone.

It's okay! You're an elder and your husband is an elder, and yure taking care of each other! Glad to have you!

kssfgirl. I can identify with some of your feelings and the first thought that came to me is that you sound depressed. I only suggest that because I am going through the same thing. I am only 71, my life is good and I should be calm and happy at this time in my life - but I am having numerous health issues (none so far life threatening) but they are keeping me down enough that when I do something I have to make myself and I don't enjoy it. I don't want to go anywhere, afraid to get sick. I worry constantly and think about how short life is, and wish I could get excited and look forward to something, but I can't.  I can't share how sad and scared and upset and lonely (in my own head) I feel - not friends or family. These feelings are too personal for anyone close to me to understand (including my dear husband) because to them, my life seems good, right?  And they can't imagine what you and I are living through in our heads? 

This is what my doctor recommends and I am going to try it: get all the medical issues addressed so you are assured you have nothing serious, line up a counselor to talk through all your fears and feelings, and go on a mild antidepressant (because so many aches, pains and anxiety are caused by depression. Depression is not mental illness - it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and we senior women are more prone to depression - my mother went through it.  Depression drags us down until we can't fight our way out of it to enjoy life, don't want to do anything. etc.
But, all hope is not lost - yet.
My prayers go out to you.

Senior Center is a GREAT suggestion. I am 75 and I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything I want to do, done. I volunteered with CASA for 5 years. When that got to tough, I let it go. After my husband died, my kids begged me to move closer to them. I loved the solitude and felt that if I moved near my kids my solitude would be gone forever, I am one of these people who do not need others around me. That may sound selfish, but I worked as a Realtor for 40 years and I have had my fill of people and phones. I spend a great deal of time studying the Word of God. I watch movies as often as I can. I also go to movies alone. I started painting and visited the Art Center and joined some art classes. What are your hobbies...Try getting into a hobby. One last suggestion: Would your husband be willing to move to a Independent living facility? Believe me, when we had our fire in our home, our Insurance company paid for us to stay in a 2 bedroom apt in a facility. At first, it was fun not having any responsibility, making friends and having some one else do the cooking. But, when our home was done being remodeled, I was ready to go home. It was hard on me making friends only to have them die off. But, most people love the social life and independent living facilities. Your church is a great source of groups and studies. Reading is GREAT. Volunteer at the hospital. There are endless things out there to do. You are much needed in your community. Good luck in keeping yourself busy. Let the housework go or hire someone to help you. Good Luck.

Your church would be a good source of nice friends. Try and get involved more if you can - not sure how the Lutheran church is organised (I'm Catholic) but most churches have all sorts of groups and they're usually delighted to have parishioners who want to help out with various groups (bible study groups, choirs, flower arranging etc). I'm sure you will make friends; you come across as a warm, sincere person. Another good idea is to join a book club (only if you enjoy reading, of course) or a local history group. If there is none in your area, why not start one yourself and ask your local newspaper to help you find people to join?

I do wonder if you could be depressed from the recurrent UTIs. I've had them before and they made me depressed, even when I was 19. You have more going on than I do--I'm 60, single, not working, little money, a dysfunctional family and hardly any friends but love being alone. I sew, knit, refinish furniture, exercise with weights and walk, read, watch interesting documentaries and how-to videos on You tube. I should interact with people more but love solitude and getting things done. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings but just wondering if the depression and lack of exercise are the problem. You could start hiking the countryside around you -- being in nature would lift your spirits. Take care.

You've gotten a lot of great answers and suggestions. I have one more... my mother, who is 83 now, was getting many recurrent urinary infections, so her dr put her on a maintenance dose of antibiotic that she takes every day, always. It has prevented so much hassle, and has given her peace of mind that she won't flare up when she least expects it. Maybe ask your dr about that. Good luck!

Socialization can be difficult in our car culture with its urban sprawl, which tends to isolate people. For social outlets, consider church groups, even churches you don't belong to. I've attended a poetry group in one church and a contemplative prayer (meditation) group in another church. Some of them have book clubs, too. Some senior centers have yoga or chair yoga, as well as other classes. If you have an interest, or would like to develop one, consider starting your own group at a church or center. It could be as simple as a discussion group, in which people talk about a particular topic. And you can ban certain topics too, if they cause too much stress, such as politics.

I was in a similar situation before I started my caregiver roll. Joining club's was a good start, there are a lot of vaulenteer organization like meals on wheels, and other's where you can meet new people. I stated a business where I met a lot of new friends, it sounds like you might have some depression issues keep a check on that. You could try taking a class, or teaching a class, you miss your close friends who you could talk too, and go do thing's with, as caregivers I think most of us miss our friends, and going out. So we can sympathize with you, and wish you the best in your quest.

I can see your original post just fine and it sounds like you are pretty active now but you miss the friends you have lost. I am 13+/- years behind you but beginning to lose friends too and it hurts a lot. I have learned to love myself and enjoy my own company. Perhaps if you could too, you wouldn't feel so badly. Maybe speak to at therapist about it? If I were you I'd get out of town and go somewhere exciting like Las Vegas. I would also ask the doctor to prescribe antibiotics in advance for your trip, just in case. Another thing I recommend is for you to make younger friends who will challenge your mind and body and be less likely to pass on and leave you. Life can be a blast if you have a sense of humor and are not rigid in your ways. Ignore anyone who disapproves of you. Stay healthy and fit, be adventurous, take calculated risks, have music in your life, laugh as often and hard as you can, love yourself, take responsibility for your own happiness, learn something new each day. With the Internet at your fingertips, learning new things is easy. These are things that work for me and I hope they can work for you too.

Please get your bladder infection taken care of - this is NOT normal to have reoccurring infections something is wrong and keep going to doctors until they find it. I have a 70ish neighbor who had reoccurring UTI's found out she had a birth defect that was fixable. You sound to be in good/great shape with working out and doing house and yard work - good for you. Loosing friends IS A LOSE and you go through all the same emotions maybe even more so. I know it's difficult especially in a small town as we age to make new friends. I love all the great advice that's been given to you so far especially to go visit your friend in the IL and agree she'd probably love to see you again. She lost her husband, then had to move into IL, and lost her friends she's dealing with lose also. Go see your kids, grand-kids time will be too short with them. I feel your loneliness with doing all the house work and yard work by "yourself" am in the same situation as husband works all day and tired at night. I've hired and am mentoring a 16 yr old girl once a week to help me in the yard with projects and helping her with her future. Something you might want to try. This is a super forum and glad you found it. It has helped me tremendously dealing with my elderly parents. Good Luck.

I'm a professional musician/pianist, and I just started giving piano lessons to the elderly. It's been a game changer for many of them, because music studies is such a personal endeavor. But you have to find the right teacher who can open your mind (on any instrument). A teacher who knows lots of genres of music and who can teach you music theory, which is the lifeblood of what makes music so mentally stimulating. Even if studying music doesn't appeal to you, or you can't find a good match with a teacher, you should think about studying something new. Take a creative writing class or see if a local college offers adult learning courses on any subject.

Listen to a Dr Myles Munroe sermon on Youtube on rediscovering the Kingdom of God!

Good topic, great responses! I too think it fits right on this forum. On the doctor/UTI, if s/he doesn't do what you need then get a second dr nearby for smaller issues; these people work for us. I'd consider getting some hired help a/o barter like 'friendly' does - my chores get me down sometimes because it's always me... no one else even knows I do them, there's something lonely about that. It sounds like you're doing too much, you're chained to the house somewhat. Great job in lunches at the senior center!!

Have you considered volunteer wor in your community? At the hospital, library, delivering meals on wheels , at the local school or your church. Helps in contacting and making new friends. How about part time work for your self? Just getting out makes all of us feel better. We have a volunteer friendly visitor program in my home town of about 3000, matches people up with folks who are not able to get out alone. Helps the volunteer and the person they visit make
New friends!

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, it sounds very difficult. Praying for you.

I hope you were able to get some help with your bladder problem. My brother helped Mom with that using cranberry juice, he liked to mix it with water and lemon juice because it's a healthy mixture. Here are some more things I found online. Some of course you may be doing already, but a few may be new:
1. Avoid bubble bath, soaps, and powders that have perfumes in them. The same goes for using deodorants or sprays on your vagina.
2. . Go to the bathroom when you feel the urge. And try to empty your bladder completely.
3. Drink plenty of liquids. Cranberry juice may be helpful in preventing a bladder infection, some studies show. It may keep bacteria from attaching to the bladder and creating an infection. Although the UTI benefits of drinking enough fluids aren’t certain, it probably wouldn’t hurt to try.
4. Wear cotton underwear and loose, nonbinding clothing that does not trap heat and moisture

I, too, can sympathize here! We almost have to rediscover or reinvent ourselves at this age, so good for you for recognizing that this is an issue. One point I don't see in earlier responses is that UTIs can affect one's mental state. I've seen this brought up on this forum regarding care for elders who are prone to UTIs, so this may be part of your situation as well. I doubt a doc will prescribe antibiotics "just in case," but it your doc knows it's a chronic problem for you, s/he MIGHT be willing to call it in without a test when you're out of the area. They are rightfully cautious about having people take antibiotics if they're not sure of the problem because they don't want you to become resistant to these meds. One other point: you may benefit from an antidepressant, either short-term or long-term. Our chemistry changes as we age, and you may not be producing enough of a certain hormone anymore. Your own doc should be able to prescribe something for you to try... even a low dose could make a difference. There are some excellent options out there, and if one kind of med doesn't work, another might. I don't take hardly any meds, but that's one thing that has helped me (in my late 60's), and I encourage you to not be too proud to say you can use a little help here. Best of luck to you!