This is something I've spent years trying to work through & I'm looking for relief & explanation: sister in law gave her sibings complete control over everything related to care of my incapacitated brother in the event of her death. They are wealthy, she's the breadwinner. This was several years ago when we were close. I had named them (primarily her due to my brother's conditon) guardian of my minor children in the event of my death. We were very close, or so I thought. She later told me that she named her siblings his guardian because she trusted them completely. The implication was, to my mind anyway, that she didn't trust me, or anyone in my family. Prior to this, I looked to her as a friend & a sister. I then started noticing other ways she'd been trying to undermine me. For example, bringing up & discussing my education in a condescending manner was a big topic until I became more educated than she. I started to suspect that she didn't feel good until I felt bad. Am I being overly sensitive? Possibly.
My gut tells me that she's protecting her assets, as I cannot imagine she honestly thinks her siblings would care for him better than we would. After that, I made a point of minimizing her in my own mind as holding her close to my heart was too painful. I'd spend family gatherings talking more with others than with her. Fair enough, I thought. This evidently really ticked her off. The last few times I saw her she was quite rude & made a point of overtly and publicly minimizing me. We no longer have much of a relationship.
I think my brother feels he has to tow the line as there's little communication with him as well. It's taken forever for me to articulate this. And it all hurts my heart. Part of me thinks it's been an enormous loss. Another part thinks it's been a realization of something I never had, a mutually respectful relationship.
How does this appear from your point of view?