My Dad, my friend. My Sis, not so much. Any advice? -

My Dad, my friend. My Sis, not so much. Any advice?


Hi. My father is in a nice group home. 2 beds. Good care.
He's fairly healthy, very mentally ill.

My sister and I have power of attorney, but she has told everyone involved in his care that I'm not POA.
She has marginalized me when it comes to his caregivers, hospital, Drs. He just came out of another crazy hospital visit. Hes on the mend!

She is a social worker and won't take any advice or help. He needs us both. And I need to make sure he stays mentally active without her interfering. Even puzzles and pencils tweak her out. I can't tell his caregivers how to cook his eggs. She wants him to speak up for himself. He is. To me. But she doesn't want me asking them for anything he asks for through me. She says it could affect his care, or they might not want him. So he sits there all day. Stuck in his head.
I'm new to this. I'm aware I might be the one out of line. I am hoping someone can show me how to steer this new boat I'm in.

My family always gets along this way. It's drama or nothing, when all I want is to know he's as happy as he can be. He's paying for this stage in his life. He worked hard for that pension. And he worked his entire life to ensure we had the best of everything. Just trying to do the same for Dad.



Omg. Hospital is keeping him for MRSA. Help?? I knew things weren't right...
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to LibertyBlue

Thanks for your answers. My Dad has been so in and out of the hospital, I can't see straight. But he should be ok now. Going home at the moment.
The caregivers do everything they can to stay clear of abuse and neglect, but nothing else. They are not friendly. I've been visiting with him in the common areas to try to get them used to me - and Dad, but they obviously prefer him in his room. So I bought him a puzzle. It has to be done at the table. They're definitely not mean, so maybe this can guide him into getting to know them. As far as equal partners, my sister has become so abusive to me that there's just no talk possible right now. I've been bringing my dad food he likes so he can just ask them for it. My sister is furious that they will charge more for...well, a proper diet. I see now her reactions are out of fear. But fear of what? Have you guys seen this?
I'm going to ask his new Dr to ask for a meal plan from/for his home. Proper meals should be a part of his care, no? Anyway, he keeps going into the hospital for his stomach, so I can't give up or be driven away. I made her make me a copy of my POA and hand deliver it, so there's that. Ty for your time and answers. Did I mention sis is a social worker? *sigh*
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Reply to LibertyBlue

If you share POA present the POA to the facility and show that u have a right to speak for you Dad. Also, show it to your sister and show hwr ur equal partners.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

It's hard to believe a nice group home would object to a polite request about cooking the eggs, or exploring if there might be a way to provide a bit more intellectual stimulation during the day. When you spend time there, are the caregivers friendly? Can you start cultivating one or two, see if there's a way to improve things a bit?

Sorry about the annoying sister.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to SnoopyLove

First of all, who is the primary POA or are ya'll jointly equal? Sorry to hear about your family's love of drama. That's nothing new for we hear about it all of the time and particularly on the dysfunctional thread.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to cmagnum