New to site, glad to find ya'll! I have two problems. 1) I have a 77 yr. old widow Mom who wants me to wait on her hand & foot, which she denied months later. She is a controlling person and is very stubborn till she gets what she wants. She has back and left leg problems under medical care now. They recommend more motion and the only way I can make her do this is by having her get up and do for herself. Otherwise, she can stay still up to 16 hrs. at a time, really bad for her. I check everything out with her doctors, even the made up stuff. She'll call her sisters and my sister and tell them I need to show her more compassion. I then get the polite phone calls supporting her wants instead of what is best for her. Should I politely respond to the family and tell them the truth about what is going on? I could really use their help to get Mom to do the doctors' advice, instead of enabling her. 2) Out of 3 kids, I am the only one to care for Mom. We wanted Mom to live in our house but my sister, controlling herself, insisted Mom get her own house and put it on our farm. She is now bitter because she did not run the remodeling of the house, we did what my mom wanted. Mom decided that we inherit the house because we are her caregivers. Everything about the house is in our name and it is written on a piece of paper, signed by Mom. My sister has POA and MPOA, decided years ago but she is showing signs of not following Mom's wishes already. I worry about her following Mom's wishes and her trying to get the house. She and my brother inherit everything else without lifting a finger. We don't care about the house but losing our land. Can we lose it? How do we protect our property?
Does she still drive?
And if I were you I would tell her that she should sign you as her primary medical POA and sister as backup unless sister intends to take her care over in near future.
Are you paying the taxes and insurance on her house or is mother paying her way? I’d ask the attorney about that as well. You might need a lease of some sort that says she is to pay the insurance if that’s the case. Come back and let us know how it goes.
I hate that so many of ya'll had to go thru tough times in difficult times to know the answers to my questions, but, I thank each one of you for taking the time to help!
God bless ya'll
I would politely explain to your siblings what is going on, what the doctor said, how it is in your mother's best interest to do as much as she can for herself, and how you are trying to help her by not helping her, so to speak. You can also ask for their help with things like getting her to doctor's appointments, but don't hold your breath. I've read too many posts from caregivers who wound up stuck with all the responsibility and got little to no help from their siblings. But maybe yours will be different. It's worth a try.
I would highly recommend you contact an Elder Law Attorney and set up an appointment with Mom present at the appointment. Have the Attorney look over any legal documents that your Mom had signed over the years to make sure the legal language is up-to-date. Talk about the house and the land.
Mom's Will might be older than dirt, so changes would need to be made to reflex current laws. Mom might even want to change her Power of Attorney if your sister isn't following the purpose of a said POA.
Good catch Jeanne.
It doesn't matter that the POA was decided years ago. Mom can change it any time she wants.