my husband has vascular dementia. he is my first power of attorney but the doctor suggested that I change to the second person my daughter from a former marriage. she verbally accepted but the first time I needed a ride for surgery she said no. at first I thought it was inconvenient for her but after rescheduling 4 times she finally said she didn't want to. before the surgery I had a medical emergency which landed me in the emergency room. my husband i were up for 48 hours straight. the doctor did not want either of us to drive home but we did because it was only a few blocks away. when i had surgery a few days later the doctor called my younger son who had agreed to be the next power of attorney to give me a ride home because she didn't think my husband should. he said he had to work. I know they are not fond of my husband but my daughter is a nurse she should realize the consequences. after that ordeal we decided to name our brothers poa. we are close to them but I am still concerned it was a frightening experience even though mine lives a state away. they agreed should I have it in writing?