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my husband has vascular dementia. he is my first power of attorney but the doctor suggested that I change to the second person my daughter from a former marriage. she verbally accepted but the first time I needed a ride for surgery she said no. at first I thought it was inconvenient for her but after rescheduling 4 times she finally said she didn't want to. before the surgery I had a medical emergency which landed me in the emergency room. my husband i were up for 48 hours straight. the doctor did not want either of us to drive home but we did because it was only a few blocks away. when i had surgery a few days later the doctor called my younger son who had agreed to be the next power of attorney to give me a ride home because she didn't think my husband should. he said he had to work. I know they are not fond of my husband but my daughter is a nurse she should realize the consequences. after that ordeal we decided to name our brothers poa. we are close to them but I am still concerned it was a frightening experience even though mine lives a state away. they agreed should I have it in writing?

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Jan123, it is best to have an attorney draw up the Power of Attorney, in New Jersey you need to sign it in front of 2 witnesses and in front of a Notary.... so does the person to whom you are assigning Power of Attorney. But that person cannot be a witness nor you a witness to their signature.

Hospitals usually want a copy of the Power of Attorney to keep in their files. Therefore, a verbal POA is not acceptable.

Please note a POA represents you during those times when you are unable to make a clear decision for yourself.

One time my sig other was taken by ambulance to the ER and I rode in the ambulance, thus there was no vehicle at the hospital. So, when he was discharged from the hospital we needed a cab, the hospital front desk called the cab for us. We didn't need to disrupt anyone else.
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jan123: Both Jeanne Gibbs and cwillie have given accurate info re POA. I have nothing to add except regarding New Jersey - yes, the POA has to be signed.
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Well said Jeanne, POA gives legal authority to make decisions, (either financial or medical depending on which kind we are talking about) it has nothing to do with providing hands on care. If this is your thinking I can see why daughter decided to run the other way. And remember anyone acting as POA is doing so as a favour to you so they need to be thanked profusely for their kindness.
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Yes, Power of Attorney should be documented in writing and notarized, to be legal.

But you seem to not have a good grasp of what POA entails. It has nothing to do with who will provide rides to and from medical appointments. For that you can call a taxi if no family member or friend is willing to provide the service.

Your husband, with dementia, should certainly not be POA, and he should not be driving.

Please learn what POA is for and what authority it authorizes before you assign someone that role. There are several articles on this site about this topic.
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