Follow
Share

One of my parents (not bio) was being cared for by another family member; and it was mentioned that family member had medical POA; said parent has passed and family member has not even let me help with service arrangements, has cut my adult children and myself out of any process of anything. Parent decided to stop any medical and passed a days later; I wasn't told of the decisions and even the death notification was delayed by hours. I am unsure of what to do or where to start. My children and I are being treated as though we are "chasing the Will" which is not the case at all! I am just beside myself!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Is there a will? Who is executor? What kind of relationship did u have with parent. If there was a good one, then I can't see why you weren't called at once. Maybe ur parent had already set up arrangements and caregiver just carried them thru. At this point just let it go and enjoy the memories. Like it was said, POA stops at death then executor takes over. And no, POAs don't have to be filed with a court. Mom did her POAs with a Lawyer.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You may have unresolved isdues that wont surfsce until long after a funeral. There may be keepsakes you wish for or something that your step parent would have wished for you. In my perhaps similar case I had connections to my mother that caregiver was not privvy to and he did not know all our relatives so things he didnt realize are important will be lost, things that are part of family history. Therr are so many adpects to death, bad for anyone to pre judge our feelings. Intentions, or our losses. Do go gently and present the truest and sweetest remembersnces in a eulogy when the time comes. Don't clam up with grief like I did.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Then calm yourself for there is nothing you can do but attend the funeral. I am sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

So sorry for your loss ☹️ and that you didn't get to say goodbye or to help. To echo other replies, try not to let your upset over the loss bleed into other parts of this. You could humbly let the others know that your family's sorrow is so profound you want to share it, and that is all. mopar may be trying to find out if the other person's POA was valid, not whether she can get it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

POA ends with death so it is no longer relevant.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Unsure of what to do or where to start... But more to the point, what do you want to achieve?

I'm very sorry that your adoptive parent has passed, and I'm sorry that you feel excluded - rejected? But think carefully about what it is that you want to accomplish before you do anything. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree with cwillie' answer!!!
Not sure how involved you or your children have been with your former parent's care or helping the POA-caregiver.
I care for my mom, who has dementia. Absolutely no help from siblings or their families. Mom's care has forced me to quit my job, move from my place of 20 years and live with her where I know no one.
It has been tough. I can't believe we grew up in the same household.
If all siblings remain uninvolved...I'm not sure if I will tell them when she passes. After all is done they will get "their share" in check form.
I'm not trying to punish but if no cards, no calls absolutely no help...think about it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

POA may have to be filed depending on where you live, but POA ends with death so it is really no longer relevant.
I think if the caregiver delayed notifying you of their death by only a few hours they perhaps had other things on their minds, and the decision to end treatment was private and there was no obligation to inform you. Also the hands on caregiver probably has their own thoughts about what is appropriate for a funeral and memorial, perhaps they even discussed it with your step parent, you should be able to respect that.
Did you wish to be there to sit vigil, or are you just upset about being excluded? If you were there and involved you should have seen for yourself that the end was near, or do you live too far away? In any event going in like a bull in a china shop trying to have your own say will likely not win you any brownie points, this is a time to be especially sensitive to the feelings of others.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.