Does everyone wait with LO in ER? Am I awful?

hello thank you all. I do feel at times guilty due to LO being psychologically needy in addition to physical ailments. She's simple put a bit of work... If I or anyone else chooses engagement it can soon become a real task to provide the attention she feels she needs. When I or anyone else sours on the continual challenges presented she can go sulky for years at a time. I explained to her that her needs and mine sometimes just don't intersect. She wants someone to go check wait times at the ER. She wants someone to wait until after dark to take her. She wants someone to wait in the ER waiting room with her for 3 or more hours at a time for an eventual OK to go home. I can do a few but not all of those tasks. If she becomes cognitively impaired I will wait in the ER with her, alternatively we will request a waiting area that accommodates such conditions, all hospitals have them.

Most people do accompany their loved ones in the ER.
If your concern is the spread of illness in a crowded waiting room, I suggest telling them this when she checks in and ask if you can wait outside with your mom. See if they will call you when it's nearing her turn.

ER is for emergencies. If your mother sends you running to find out whether she will need to wait, it almost certainly isn’t an emergency. She’s probably bored. Let her organise it herself, and see if it’s all too much trouble and she doesn’t bother.

Mom usually was brought by ambulance from MC because it usually was at night and I could not drive at night. If I stayed with her when she was sick, she usually napped. I was stuck in a chair. If she was awake, she usually spoke about the same stuff in a loop. There was no way I felt guilty leaving her alone. The ER had my contact number and would call me to pick her up to go back to MC.

Honestly, I'd stay with her, because I believe it's important that someone who is not the sick person be there to take notes and be a second set of ears for what the doctors are telling her and what tests are being done.

When someone is sick or injured, they aren't exactly able to think clearly.

No your not awful. At Moms AL she fell 4x in 4 months and was sent to the ER. In none of her falls did she hit her head. The last time I questioned why they had to send her iut everytime. "Because she complained of pain" of course she did, don't we all have pain when we fall and it goes away. So, I told them not to send her out until I was called first. If the head was involved she would go out, otherwise, just observe. If she continues to complain then they could send her.

Hospitals do not make it comfortable for family to stay. I had to because Mom had Dementia. If she hadn't, I would not have rushed there.

You do what works for u and Mom.

There is still a lot of Covid and RSV. The pandemic is not over. It makes sense to stay out of emergency rooms.

But - you're running around in circles at her behest. It must be exhausting.

My mother had the ER habit. She wanted to go at all times, day and night, and someone was expected to dance attendance around this. Sometimes it was a legitimate problem and sometimes it wasn't. One time we were there all day, and as I was driving her home, she said, "That young doctor was very nice but he didn't even touch me." There was nothing wrong with her! She just wanted attention.

If you can find an express care, great. If there isn't one nearby, check with her primary doctor's office and find out if some of these things could be handled on an emergency basis there. My PCP's practice is large and it's hard to get an appointment, but we've twice had emergencies (broken wrist and diverticulitis) where they fit us in to see a PA who evaluated, did X rays right there and prescribed with follow-up scheduled for later. I was surprised that they would do this, but I think they were willing because they didn't want us in an ER with sick people. It's worth asking.

If mom is cognizant.
If mom is alright alone in the waiting room.
If these factors are in place then you are actually safer waiting in the car.
You are less likely to pick up any "bug" that happens to be present.
You free up waiting room space.
One thought though.
If the trips to the ER are valid trips
(And the above factors cognizant and alright alone are there)
Would it not be faster and easier to call 911 and have them take her to the ER and you can come when she is ready to go home. She would get more immediate care being brought in rather than a walk in.
One thing faster though...
Many Pharmacies and medical sites have "Walk In Clinics" or "Immediate Care" where you can get even faster care in a much less crowded space. And I don't know about her insurance but with mine ANY visit to the ER that does not result in admission costs me WAY more for the co-pay than a visit to one of the "walk in clinic or immediate care" locations.

If mom is OK with waiting by herself in the ER and is accustomed to this routine, I don't see that it's a problem to wait out in your car so long as the ER staff know you are there and can call you in if necessary. But I agree with others that it would be better to go to urgent care unless it's something you think is so serious it will result in hospital admission.

Definitely I agree with freqflyer. See if there's an urgent care around. You'll have a much easier time with one of those. And, if it's a serious emergency they will send your mother by ambulance to the hospital. When you go in by ambulance there isn't long waiting.

Check the hospital webpage. The ER department here posts wait times, or call.

Trails, does your area have any urgent care store front medical care? We would go there first, it is much easier, quieter, less people waiting, etc. And if the urgent care thought the situation required more care, they would call an ambulance to go to the ER.

I am surprised your Mom's health insurance would cover all these ER visits, as the cost is very expensive compared to urgent care.

Sounds like the right way to handle it to me. She’s not a child, and is perfectly capable of waiting alone from what you’re describing.

Hospitals where I live have a wait time clock on their webpage. Very handy.

For important but not critical time dependant care I have called ahead to ask. This helps with planning.

I have done different things at different times. Sat in ER for hours. Dropped off. Arranged EMS & ambulance & met there. Let the ambulance go ahead & go home, eat dinner, relax, turn up later. Not turned up until next day.

I don't think there is a 'right' way. It differs. Per family, per visit.

You had a valid reason NOT to wait in the ER during the worst of the pandemic.

I think now you are fighting two thoughts;
1. I SHOULD wait with Mom.
2. I should NOT wait in a crowded ER to reduce risk of illness to myself.

Both valid thoughts.

Re 1. Does Mom actually NEED you there? (For communucation support, talking to staff? Help get to the toilet? Push her in a wheelchair? Emotional support).

Re 2. Are there other ways to reduce your risk? Eg wear a face mask.

If you don't Want to wait & don't Need to wait, find a new *reason* instead of *pandemic* to tell yourself. (In fact the same reason is still valid enough! Covid & Flu (RSV) are stull running wild where I live).

I think that you should do what you are most comfortable doing. You are caring for her. You are not abandoning her.

My mom is deceased now. I was at my mother’s side when I took her to the ER. She didn’t hear very well. I wanted to be with her. This was before Covid.

It is exhausting going to the ER and you have to take care of yourself. So, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to look at this situation.

Your mom isn’t complaining about it and is accepting of this routine, so she must understand how you feel.