My step dad (77) has only peripheral vision in one eye, macular degeneration in the other, and recently lost consciousness behind the wheel, caused a serious accident, and received 3 tickets. By Illinois law he was supposed to have his license suspended for 6 months, but somehow that was not submitted to the state. He is not safe, but thinks he should drive ('must not be that bad') since he has his license and it is not suspended.
Suggestions appreciated. I don't know where to start. His doctor, SOS, health department, or other.
Suggestions appreciated.
Sometimes you just have to lay it out. If he had an accident as you described he needs to stop today, not a license issue, just NO. I've pulled many dead and mangled bodies out of cars for over 40 years with older people being behind the wheel that should not have been there.
I have tried to appeal to logistical, practical, and safety issues, but have not taken him driving myself. IMO he has not been a safe driver for years.
I think a drive might be the solution. Just him and I and a test. It seems like the perfect opportunity to tell him it's over.
Can you give me a few ideas, of how and where I should implement it please?
I detailed very specific instances mom had been having + the MCD diagnosis + not seeking medical help = the state sent her a letter. The state would have reactivated her license had she passed an in-person test (she did not pass) and had three various doctors complete paperwork saying she was fit to drive (she tried to get her primary to sign off on the paperwork which he did not do).
Start with a letter to dads doctor, detailing all you know about dads health and why he should not be driving. Ask for the doc’s assistance.
Next, call the DMV and ask where you can send a letter requesting dads license be revoked. Write a letter to the DMV and state what you know about dad’s vision issues, his loss of consciousness behind the wheel, driving tickets, etc.. Request their assistance and state you do not believe your dad should be driving.
This worked for me, even though psychiatrist and neurologist in the ER did not put through paperwork to the state with Mom’s diagnosis of cognitive decline.
Good luck.
When my mom's dementia became such that driving was a horrible idea, her doctor told her (at my insistence). She had already kind of stopped due to winter weather, fear of ice, etc. So I just hid her keys in case she got any bright ideas of going for a ride and then just reminded her that she could have an accident and KILL SOMEONE, maybe young children, etc. I could not bear the idea of that happening and could not deal with the guilt of it, if the worst ever were to happen.
Just thought of another idea - have him go for an eye exam at motor vehicle. There's no way he could pass is there? I would also call whoever is in charge of this mandatory suspension and see what the hold up is?
Good luck. He's not going to be happy but this is about safety - his and the that of the innocent people on the road.
I use their vehicles to transport them for appointments and errands, as my vehicle is not 'senior friendly', so theirs will have to stay.
I have asked him to consider the fact that he could seriously harm my mother or someone else, and not think only about himself.
It’s not going to be convenient, but perhaps the solution is to remove the vehicle from Dad’s place, store it somewhere as accessible as possible for you, drive your car to pick it up, and then go around to collect Dad. So it’s ‘usable’ but not there as an option for Dad to get into. Make a fuss about how much trouble it is for you to avoid the potential accidents and liability, and how much easier it would be if he uses the ‘caregiver and transportation’ you have provided. Get someone to heavy you (even this site’s ‘advice’) about his and your liability if he injures someone else – or kills your mother.
That is not exactly a short span of time to be unconscious. And then they did multiple tests with no results. So they ruled out the common causes?
In other words, they have absolutely no idea what happened. Which also means that they have absolutely no idea if it will ever happen again. This is incredibly serious.
My DH has very well controlled seizures, on three different medications. He has been well controlled for YEARS. We are in our 50s. A number of years ago he had a single vehicle accident. He had missed 3 doses of his medication - for unforeseen circumstances. He had one seizure due to the missed medications which caused the accident. His doctor immediately sent in the letter to the DMV medical review board to remove his driving privileges for 6 months - even though we knew the reason for the seizure was the missed meds, it was protocol and it was the right thing to do, to be sure that it was just from the missed meds. He had to go back to the DMV after those 6 months and request reinstatement, which he received. He had not had any seizures since then.
This is nothing to play with. Had the doctor not taken away his driving privileges- we would have had to do something because I wouldn't have felt comfortable - at least for a while- letting him drive until we KNEW he was back to a stable place.
I think your best option is to contact the DMV. Ask them what steps you need to take to get his DL revoked. They can give you the proper procedure. But the immediate need is to absolutely remove all opportunity for him to drive in any way possible. Make sure all keys are nowhere to be found. They all belong to you now. He has no access to any cars. I would even go so far as to keep track of what he is doing in case he tries to RENT a car. I know you can't disable the car because you use it. But make sure he cannot get behind the wheel of a car.
In not knowing what happened to him - and in knowing that he already has a history of accidents and tickets - this is not something that can be left to chance. Anything to do with loss of consciousness is either a sudden drop in blood pressure, something with his heart, a seizure (which is possible even if he has never had one before and could be related to other things), or maybe even drug or alcohol related - which I would assume would have come out in the tests. Is he on any new meds that he started before the accident? Anything medication or otherwise that he may be allergic to?
When you have eliminated the horses you start looking for zebras. Could this have been a one time thing? Sure. My DH's was. But we KNEW exactly what happened to him. But there is the distinct possibility that you won't find out what caused this. And you are going to need to make sure that even if the cause of the accident happens again - an accident itself can't happen again.
1. I reach out to the PCP, which I do not have HIPPA authorization, and though ethically may comply, most likely will not.
2.Contact the state tollway authority/officer on scene who signed the accident report and citations. Although I'm sure he has seen plenty of accidents since this particular one, this officer personally sought out my SD to verify he was alive, and give him the citations personally. I think he will remember. I left a message for the trooper yesterday, and waiting for a reply, and ask for a suspension.
The SOS stated that the 3 main medical reasons for suspension are diabetes, epilepsy, and sleep apnea. He has the latter, and has been in treatment for years. This would also explain why all of the other testing was normal, and most likely, he was never asked about it during his emergency care. This may be the zebra.
He has no allergies, or new meds.
I feel like there is hope in discovering the sleep apnea could be the solution to this issue.
I am trying to juggle this and my mother's dementia/noncompliance and frequent ER visits, and my own serious health conditions. I am the only one who shows up, and the caregiver usually gets thrown out when she gets there. I need to & do work part time, and yeah I know it's too much. I have often felt my mother will out live us all.
I appreciate your thoughtfulness and the time you have invested in my issue. Thank you.
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