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Dad is leaving AL...moving back to his cabin...his friend helping him move. He said he'll be using help at home again, but hadn't got that set up yet nor has called them. I silently refuse to make the call since he thinks he can live independently then HE can make the call (he doesn't even know who to call let alone look up number or type in right numbers, someone has to do that for him. He's legally blind due to diabetic retinopathy)
...tons more details here but won't get back into all that boring repeat S..T!


My question is :
Do I resign from POA?
It has come in handy at times as far as getting important paperwork, records, info from docs BUT I can't take on being totally responsible for a man that makes terrible decisions is broke, frail health...he's on Medicare/full Medicaid
...we are neighbors, our country properties adjoin. My teeth are gonna be nuthin but nubbins by the time all of this over.


I don't want to be in trouble if something happens to him since I'm POA!
What is the negative about staying his POA?

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Bella, imho, Mild Cognitive Decline is often the beginning of dementia . While my mother was still technically competent, it was clear she should not live alone. THAT is the question for the neuro...should he be living alone with no assistance? Is he able to arrange his own care? With my mom, the answer from the neurologist team was "no".
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Being POA is such a double edged sword. Legally you have been told that as long as dad is competent you are not responsible. But he is on a slippery slope and at some point he will be considered incompetent. What then? Do you call the friend to move him back?!
This is a complicated world we live in.
I think what I would resent is the assumption by him and probably the friend that you will pick up the slack. You don't get a vote but you get the job. He's bluffing his way back into his old life forgetting it wasn't working before. All the services he had at the ALF seem so easy until he can't get you to do them.
Yet my heart goes out to him as well. He wanted to go home. Who doesn't. I'm sorry for this stressful time for the both of you.
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Yeah, my opinion is he is not competent!
And yes, I can tell him what you suggested rainmom. And calling 911 is my plan!!
His neurologist tested him...you know that stupid test of drawing a clock, spelling world backwards etc?
Neuro said mild cognitive decline and sent us out the door.
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When I had to move my mother to a NH being her DPOA was really my only card to play when mom was demanding I find her a regular apartment and move her there to live on her own.

When I pointed out to my mom a number of reasons why she'd only last a few days due to her physical limitations- that her neighbors would discover her after she lay on the floor for a few days - we never talked about her having dementia- mom would counter with the ever logical and mature reasoning of "So?!! It's my life!" Then I would play my card of "when I signed your DPOA papers , I became legally responsible for your care. I would be arrested for neglect and abuse".

I had - and have not the slightest idea if that's true or not but it did seem to put a dent in her escape plans.

Would anything like that work with your dad? And there is the question of legal competence as it relates to your own legal responsibilities where your fathers care is concerened.

What I'm getting at I guess is - bottom line - if your father is considered legally competent, your own liability as POA is probably limited. If he's suffering from documented dementia as POA you could be looking at a different set of rules - as far as being held legally accountable for his demise. Yep - time to talk to an attorney as to what your legal liability is as POA.
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If he is competent....

So just back off and allow dad to be competent and move himself. Remind him that in an emergency he'll have to call 911. If he calls you, YOU call 911.

This is going to be tough, I think, backing off.
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Thank you 😊

I have asked the lawyer about this in the past and he said I had no worries about being responsible for getting in trouble for him as long as he's declared competent
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Bella, I feel for you.

Can you ask dad's lawyer about the pros and cons? I think POA requirements and responsibility vary widely by jurisdiction.
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