It's been 3 months since my Grandmother passed away. I had been with her when it happens. It's been months, but every time I look into her room I expect to see her there. Laying in bed, sleeping or watching T.V. I will randomly wake up in the middle of the night, see I don't have the baby monitor next to me and run in to check on her. I'm still living in the house, only alone this time. (Although I get kicked out next month). I started a new job, getting ready to go back to school, but I always have that though. "I can't go. My family needs me." I'm scared to go to sleep sometimes, because I'm worried that this is all a dream and when I wake up she'll be laying in there, sick and dying. After she's left pretty much all of my friends and family hates me or straight out disowned me. I'm literally alone. It feels like I gave up everything to take care of her these past few years, and now that she's gone what little I had is gone. I still think about that day though. Holding her hand, and then going into kiss her forhead only to realize she stopped breathing. Her ashes now sit next to my Grandfathers in the dining room. I got into the habit of sleeping in the living room, because it's closer and I could hear my Grandma better than in my room. However, I still sleep on the couch. I can't even fall asleep in my bed anymore. I feel lost. I lost what little family I had left, and I'm about to loose everything. I have nightmares all the time that she needs me, I can't be there to help her. I this normal? I've taken care of multiple family members in my life, but this is the first I've felt like this over a death. Although it reminds me of 2 years ago. I had been hit by a car, and the entire time I was in the hospital I just kept thinking that I have to get home. I'm needed at home. I can't be here. It feels similar to how I turned out after the accident. The nightmares, fear, even something like strong winds make me remember it. It stopped for a while, but after my Grandma died it came back. I don't know why. I don't want to feel like this though. I just want things to go back to normal.