I live with my mother and help take care of her. I have been doing this full-time since 2005 (14 years now) with little to no help from my older siblings who live across the country. The oldest sibling lives in Washington DC and she actually has done a lot more to help me and our mother. When I needed a vacation, she came to Ohio and stayed with my mom. That gave me peace of mind to be able to relax on my vacation. The main issue is, I make next to nothing and I am always financially struggling. My sister makes probably three times what I do. But the one that bothers me the most is my brother. He is rather financially comfortable, even though he constantly says he is not. He just bought a place in California that is 1.2 million dollars. This month, I am paying rent LATE for the first time ever. I am under so much stress and my brother does nothing to help our mom. On her birthday in August, he got her ... nothing. On Christmas... nothing. I scraped by to get her a few very small gifts to make Christmas something to enjoy. But the icing on the cake is that whenever he does call, it is like he is Jesus Christ. My brother is the golden child and does absolutely nothing for her. I get the doom and gloom from mom and her severe depression and he calls and she perks up and is happy as can be. I just feel so cheated. My sister is mad at him to, for the exact same reasons.
I know I probably need to let this all go, but I want to scream sometimes because I am single, I have NO social life or any chances of meeting anyone because I am also a gay man living in rural Ohio. I gave up ever thinking I could have someone. I battle depression daily because of all of this. I have had my stress levels skyrocket because of this.
So, I am planning another vacation later this year IF I can get caught up financially and that might not happen. But I think it is my brother's turn to take care of mom while I am gone. Issue is, he will not do it. I know my sister probably would but how can I get my brother to step up and do something to help her?
Open to any and all advice...
Second, I neglected to ask about/mention Medicare. When we were first hiring aides to check on mom (she did not need any help at that point, but was living alone - eyes on the wall, so to speak, as we are not close by), the nurse, who time WAS covered by Medicare (and she was there a few times), did an assessment (test) and made recommendations. IF our mom had agreed to getting some kind of "personal" care, like help bathing, Medicare WOULD have covered aides for that - it is a very limited amount (maybe 4 hrs/week?) , but every little bit helps!
What I did not ask is what is your mom's status with ADLs? Is she still self-caring or do you have to assist with bathing, dressing, etc? If she needs this kind of help at home and Medicare will cover it, certainly look into it! It takes a little load off of you physically AND financially.