He is homeless and very manipulative . Prefers to lay around on porches from house to house rather than get a place to live. And is working by the way, but because of Mother I put up with this ignorance!! Help!!!!!!!

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Because she enables him and because she probably always has, thats why he is the way he is. Are you going to change him no. Are you going to change her no. So you may just have to look away.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

I am sorry to say there isn't much you can do!

I like some of the advice you got here but your mom is co-dependant on your brother as well. She is enabling him to make herself feel better. And I am afraid if you try to get in between them you might find yourself in a h3llish position. They will and can team up on you speaking from experience! They will do whatever they can to keep this sick twisted relationship together.

However, as your mom becomes more sick and more frail she may not be able to keep the relationship going and brother may find someone else to suck the life out of! You should read and do some research about co-dependant before you decide to do anything right now. I think it will help you figure out where your mom is in her side of the relationship. Remember as you start pushing brother to be responsible the more he will push back and your mom might be right there by his side, again speaking from experience.

I got lucky my brother got really bad after my dad died and my mother figured out real quick that I wasn't going to deal with his crap so unfortunately, it came down to my mother had to pick, keep my brother around and lose her home or keep me around and keep her home! And I believe that my mother just could not do it (take care of him) anymore! I had to banned my brother from the house because he was stealing from us, and he was stressing her out to the point were she started pulling her hair out! I am not kidding!!

I wish you the best of luck because God knows I feel for you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Shell38314

I'd like to suggest, on top of these great ideas above, the if he works and doesn't contribute to caregiving that you require him to pay rent on the days that he stays with you overnight. Also, if he does get his drinking under control , start leaving him in charge of Mom while you are home, and if you're comfortable leave for a few hours to run errands, etc.
Good luck!
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Reply to adkunkle

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions first. Are his actions having a negative effect on you and/or your mother, I.e. He is asking for money, safety concerns, etc.? If you were able to keep him from showing up, would it have a detrimental effect on your relationship and ability to care for your mother? Then, depending on the answers, maybe see if you have any legal recourse to deal with him.
Assuming we are talking about your house, I think it is fair to give him conditions for coming over and coming in the house, I.e. Not drunk or going to rehab, finding a place to live, etc.
if Mom gets upset about that, perhaps explaining to her your concerns with him, not about her, but concerned for the safety of your kids, the effect it is having on you, enabling him, etc., whatever would be effective for getting her to see your perspective a little. Of course, if he can do no wrong, it may be harder to find something, but hopefully you would be able to come up with something that has a little bit more pull on her. Maybe give an alternative like a daily phone call (dependent on him having/getting a phone.)
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Reply to catzfavre

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