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I have always kept my sisters in the loop to my parents health prior to both of them passing away. In fact, 2 of my sister's stated my mom was feeling sorry for herself and actually she was dying from cancer. I told them that! I let everyone know that my dad was sick and going through a hard time money wise and none of them cared or lifted a finger to help. I've been taking care of gram for 8 yrs now and she isn't doing so well. I have had my gram call them all, because I don't want them to feel like I stopped them in anyway to connect with her. That being said, that was a year ago and no one has called her. Prior to that it has been years since my sisters had any involvement in grandma's life. One of my sisters has even gone far as calling APS and making false accusations against. Which I can't tell you enough how it mentally impacted my mental state. Let me tell you I've been through hell and I sacrificed so much for her. So none of my sisters say boo to her. I mean they shown no concern for our parents and that's a true statement!!! Should I reach out to them?

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I don't think I would worry one minute about your siblings. They have shown you where they stand, believe them.

Focus on grandma and if she asks to see them or speak with them, then of course grant her wishes, otherwise let sleeping dogs lie.
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My mom was the most loving woman ever. She was my best friend. It happened so fast, her cancer spread so fast. It's my mom's mom I take care of. In the hospital, all my sister's were trying to talk to her and stuff, but my mom was in and out of it! They kept on trying to get her attention. Heck, I couldn't even get close to her, because they were asking for forgiveness. My mom kept glancing up looking for me. The day after, I told my dad to take a break I would be with her. I sat there for hours holding her hand and 🙏 for her, and I told her she was the most beautiful mother ever. She was!!!! It was if that was our time together! We were always close. I never left her side, until all my sisters showed up to see her. I stepped out for a minute and she took her last breathe. I wished I didn't leave her. I felt so guilty not be there at that moment, because everything she ever been through I was there for her. A lot of people told me she wanted to spare me the pain.
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The email idea is a good one.

I have 4 sibs, 3 of whom are MIA when it comes to mother's care. My brother, whose house mother lives in, really controls her tightly--as to whom he will allow in the house and what we can 'do' for mother.

I email the 3 MIA sibs a few times a year and give them an update on mother, Whether they choose to do anything about the information is up to them. I do remind them of her birthday and such, but it mostly falls on deaf ears.

Some families simply don't DO the aging routine. Mother should be in AL, but brother will not allow it, and nobody has the heart to push it.

It is sad that our once close family barely speaks to each other. It's not adversarial, they just don't care.

You sound very, very caring and kind. Good for you, but you can't expect others to be the same way. It's their loss, really. I was close to my daddy until he passed, I know my sibs who were MIA were taken by surprise when he died--they simply were not around enough to see his decline.

You have nothing to hide, so don't worry about APS, they're just doing their jobs. It sounds like your family is kind of messed up--like everyone else's. Good luck to you in the love and care of your grandma.
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Angelnan99 Jan 28, 2019
I was in that situation and now 3 years after my Mom passing have never had those family members acknowledge what I did for my Mom and the sacrifices I made to do so and there is money in the bank from the sale of my Mom's house that they all want a share of and I don't think that's fair. And I trusted one sister to put it in her bank account so now I don't even know what's available. I think I deserve a large chunk of it but she believes my mom would have split it 7 ways. I'm the eldest sister and feel extremely cheated and hurt that all the others want is money they don't even need. There was no will but I was one of 2 who was on beneficiary deed for house. The baby of family was only one on life ins policy which paid funeral expenses. She's the one controlling money now only because I trusted her 2 years ago when we sold house. Now she has gotten fed up being in the middle and I offered to be in control and be bad guy since certain ones hate me already. In the end I look more for acknowledgment of my sacrifice and it happens to be available in money. What to do? Mostly just adding a story to the seemingly endless ones about families like this where one person takes on the care of the parent and others really could care less. The less they have on their plates the better even though the parent treated everyone the same.
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oh my!
My understanding is healthcare proxy cannot be given unless the person signs it over. Need to have Grams affairs looked into by elder attorney. Trust me best money you will ever spend. My brother tried it with me but I have everything in order with the attorney and paperwork. If he tries it again he will be overturned AGAIN!
Blessings
Hgn
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Jessy2you Jan 28, 2019
Thank you, yes behind the curtains she took it upon herself to change grandmas healthcare proxy without my grandma knowing. I only found out when I brought my grandmother to the hospital that I wasn't her health proxy anymore. My sister even had her incapitated because of her age. My grandmother is very smart woman and all their. From there, my sister used the health proxy as a way to destroy me. When gram got out she went to her lawyer and redid everything. Nevermind me, she let gram rot in a nursing rehab home for 65 days and I couldn't do nothing to help her. She cried everyday!!!!
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The APS worker told you your sister was working in the dark against you...

Do you mean that the APS worker told you your sister had filed a complaint which APS had to investigate?

I'm sorry that communications have broken down so badly between you and your sisters.

If they haven't been in touch for a year, why are you asking now if you should reach out to them? Has somebody advised you that it would be wise to keep them informed?
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Jessy2you Jan 28, 2019
The APS worker insist I get an order of protection for myself and gram. She tried to commit gram to the nursing home. I didn't understand why all my grams health team were turning against all of a sudden. My sister forged my grams signature for health proxy and was making allegations against me to her doctors, rehab, and hospital. My sister put on a big show at my grams rehabilitation center. Once APS worker exposed her, she never showed up or even visited gram again. She was fake! Grams lawyer even said, that was pure evil what my sister did. I ask only because my gram is 101 yrs old and she hasn't been doing well at all.
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Mmmm.

Why, did your sister call APS and make false accusations? What led to that?

I am glad that you understand the importance of maintaining relationships on your grandmother's behalf and have done your best to support them. That is a very good and correct thing.

But clearly there is some active animosity on your sisters' part; and some kind of rejection - this dismissal of your mother's illness, for example, can't have come from nowhere. What's happened?

Does your grandmother want to see your sisters? Would contact with them do anything good for her?

If she asks about them or you think she would benefit, then email, call or message them and invite them to do something specific - call or visit on a particular day, for example.

If she doesn't and you don't, then I should pursue an "information is available on request" policy, and if nobody asks then why should you bother?
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Jessy2you Jan 2019
What does it always led to greed and worried about materialistic things!!! The APS worker told me my sister was working in the dark against me. She changed grams health proxy, without my grandmas knowledge. Then she tried to keep her at nursing home and stated I neglected her and took her pain meds. I had to show proof of meds. She asked gram what's she doing with her house and stuff. I always been my grams healthcare proxy and caretaker. No one helps and I never bothered to ask any of them.
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Do you have emails for all of them. If so, send an email saying that since your time is taken up with Grandma, you felt sending an email was the best way to contact everyone and inform them that GM is not doing well. That she would love to see everyone so please come for a visit.

What did Mom and Dad do that 5 of their 6 daughters don't seem to care? Please, when your caregiving is done with Gma, do not ever agree to care for one of your sister's. You have done your caregiving. Enjoy the rest of your life.
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Jessy2you Jan 2019
I actually did take care of one of my sister's when she got into a horrible car accident years ago. I took care of her and her baby for 2 years while she recovered. After that years later, I always bought her food, gave up my room to her and her kids when she was homeless, watched her kids, and gave her money. This is the sister that reported me to APS. To make a long story short, God knows I am a wonderful person and wouldn't let me prosecuted for something false. No, my mom would cry all the time and always felt lonely. My mom took care of one of my sister's kid cause she couldn't and my sister became bitter. My mom would show up at my other sister's house all the time and she would hide and not let her in. My other sister was to high class for my parents.
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