Depressed watching my mother, what should I do?

My mother is in an AL facility so I don't have to experience just what you have to. First the very fact that she can bathe herself and fix herself food is positive. My mother is 89. She has been in AL for 6 years. Prior to entering it she did not bathe herself well. She got her meals from take out
My mother is overweight,has been for years and I find this hard to view and absorb. She looks pretty awful. I hate to say this but I have been embarrassed to be her daughter for decades.

Since you work you are able to escape being around her alot. I understand the problems but I think you should be grateful it is not worse. Hope this helps you some. I think the TV watching is common with the elderly.

I think it's perfectly normal for you to be feeling the way you are. It's very very difficult to live with an Elder who sits around all day watching tv and worrying about what to eat next while you're freaking out about REAL life issues, job loss and how that next meal will be paid for! Dull and depressing indeed! Make sure YOU get out and do fun things; a night out with the girls, join a dating website, get a new hairdo, join the gym, take a class, learn a language....anything to broaden your horizons and lessen your anxiety. You can't live life FOR your mother, but you can live life FOR yourself while seeing to her comfort as well. Don't make her the central focus of your life, in other words. Live a full life and the little things won't be quite so irritating anymore.
Good luck!

Find a club or organization that is involved with something that interests you. When you go to meetings and activities put Mom and that situation completely out of your mind and concentrate on the things you will learn and do and the new friends you will meet.

On a Sunday afternoon, tell Mom you're going to run errands, and while you're at it, stop at Starbucks for a cup of coffee. If you have no errands just go for the coffee.

Do as many things for "just you" as you can. Mom seems content to sit in front of the TV all day so let her. As long as Mom is safe, you go do your own thing.

Hopelessness, restlessness and depression are the sworn enemies of all of us caregivers. I care for my mostly bedridden husband and there are times that he can be helpless which angers me no end. We are in the rut now of watching Hallmark movies, not once but over and over. Since 2003, he’s gone from an intelligent and driven business owner to someone who only worries about what his next meal will consist of.

I am so so grateful that I have a job I love. I am anxious to get to it each day. I’m tired and sore when I get home, but it’s worth it. I truly did,Ike having to come home and tend to him, But I’ve chosen this path. I can disappear down the rabbit hole or I can keep plugging away. When I can get out of my own head and move on, things get better.

You decided that the best way to provide for your mother's care in old age was to move with her to a nice house where she could live out her life in peace and comfort. That's more or less what I thought, too; you won't hear any criticism from me on that score.

When did this take place? How long have you been living together?

Then you lost your job, which must have been a blow; and you had to find another job pronto at the same time as managing your home commitments, which must have been both stressful and difficult. When did this happen? - and/but you have since found another job, have you? Do you now feel more secure about employment/finances?

Then there's your mother's wellbeing, and her very limited horizons which you share for a good part of each day. The TV blares out - is your mother hard of hearing? - whether anyone is paying attention to it or not. Conversation is extremely limited, and perhaps repetitive. This situation can really get a girl down and again I sympathise.

Reasons to be cheerful... (or at least find consolation).

How is your mother? Any complaints? Does she seem content and comfortable?

Bear in mind that you set out to give your mother what I think of as a "soft landing." If from day to day she is not in pain, not afraid, not lonely, not unhappy: do you realise what a magnificent thing you are doing for her?

Then, move on to the question of what respite you get from this routine. The routine may (I hope it does) suit your mother, but for a fully-functioning adult it is suffocating, and of course you need time away from it. Do you get any?