Help, my 80 soon to be 81 year old mother does nothing but watch tv. She has a bad leg but is able to shower, change her diaper and do a little cooking. My older sister is 60, I’m 58 we all live together and it’s very depressing since I can’t get my mother to do anything. Unfortunately my sister drinks a 6 pack of beer every night and hides in her room. She works day shift 4 days a week I work nights so someone is usually with her. I have a 3 year old granddaughter and my daughter is expecting again. The only thing my mother loves to do is see her great granddaughter and I always take my mother when I visit. I’m getting upset because my mother can do so much, like walk to the pool it’s about 500 feet, but she chooses to do nothing and is getting weaker. I have no idea how I’m going to handle her when the new grand baby comes, she will expect me to take her and I can’t handle anymore it’s been 5 years living with her. I stay busy do yoga work, and I don’t drink so it’s hard to see my sister drink every night and she gets verbally aggressive telling my mother “I hope you die” and other things. My sister has been with us 2 years I tried to get her out of our house but she stated she can’t afford it, but it is better with her here so she can help. My mother has suffered from depression her whole life and is on an antidepressant. Please if anyone has any ideas please let me know.
Now, you have another big issue with your sister. DOES not sound like an appropriate situation for you or your mom to have to deal with. I agree that some tough love is in order and she needs to move on.
Since you work, your sister apparently has an issue with alcohol and it sounds like she is verbally abusive to your mother, Mom may feel safer just quietly sitting and watching television. That way she may feel she isn’t a bother and doesn’t incur your sister’s wrath.
It may be convenient to have your sister there at night, but she may be intimidating your mother. Are you certain she is not being physically abusive to Mom as well? Alcohol can lower inhibitions. If your sister is impaired each night, how much could she actually do if Mom needs help? If she’s passed out or unable to function, would she know to call 911 if there was a medical emergency?
If Mom is fairly capable of handling her Activities of Daily Living, maybe consider a Senior Center or an Adult Day Care. Or, even Assisted Living. Having an actual place to go out of the house each day may help with her mood.