First off, I know I am so much more fortunate than so many others, so just want to say that to start.
My mom is 96 yrs old and has moderate dementia. We have a helper come monday-friday from 9-12 and her neighbor brings dinner daily. I go on weekends and take care of all her needs. I call her every day and that is where I'm having difficulty. When she was cognizant, just last year we used to talk for an hour or two. Now that has changed pretty suddenly, well within a year or so. I'm recently retired, not doing much and I don't have much news to talk about. My life is pretty boring and she can't discuss daily topics anymore. I try to ask about her past to reminisce or anything I can think of to talk about. Some days are a little better than others but it is just so sad. I tell myself to be glad that I can still call and talk to her, just to say hi. I know how much I will miss that when she is gone. However, it just makes me so sad every day. I know this sounds shallow and selfish but it kind of ruins my day. I don't want to not call and know I need to re-frame this but I'm having trouble doing that. I doubt there is an answer for how I'm feeling. I can tell when we just don't have anything much to say we talk about the weather or some little something and then I just say- ok mom I love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow. It's still just so sad. Is there any way to ever feel better?? I know I'm grieving that loss. She has always been my one and only best friend. Maybe I need counseling??