I realize my situation is a bit unique. Mom is 102 years old, and was largely taking care of herself. Gave up driving long ago. Family takes her appointments, grocery shops and cleans her home. What's been challenging for me (well lots of things are challenging but here's the main thing), are these random bouts of far-fetched beliefs. I should mention - there's no dementia diagnoses and she is mentally sharp....but wouldn't this be demented-type behavior:
- She was convinced that someone took her generator (she has a top-of-the-line generator which kicks in automatically in case of a power outage). She said she looked out of the window and the generator was gone, and only the "hoses" were left....and then several hours later "they brought the generator back and re-installed it."
- Her neighbor was "poisoning her plants," and letting herself in and "stealing her food."
Her health has taken a turn and she now has 24/7 care and is on hospice. But this is not your standard hospice....while the law of averages would say that she's not long for this world, she's as cantankerous and opinionated and a times difficult as ever, so I don't see an end in sight (and frankly, at times I wish I did). She can also be charming and funny, so that's certainly appreciated.
Lately she's accused one of her caregivers of frying fish when she was asleep. I mean it's maddening. The caregiver was merely heating up some vegetables for herself to eat, after mom fell asleep. Mom wakes up, gets herself out of bed (bedroom was moved to the livingroom/near the kitchen) gets her walker and walks to the kitchen, and tells the caregiver it was against the law to use her kitchen. Then tells me later that the aide was frying fish, and had all of her pans out, and was using her things. Went on a tirade about how she (mom) had modernized the kitchen .....as though anyone touching it would break it. I had to go over that morning (after having given up my weekend to visit/do things for mom) so the caregiver could show me the leavings of what she was heating up (vegetables), and just needed me to see that she wasn't frying fish.
I was so annoyed with my mother that I said, "you know, so what?!" "Let's say the caregiver was frying fish, SO WHAT?! She's there for 12 hours a day, taking care of you. She's certainly allowed to eat. Your kitchen is in order, and nice and clean and is well-cared for, so if she DID fry fish, so what!" I just feel so fed up with her sometimes, and this "mine, mine, mine" attitude like no-one can touch her things.
So can dementia just be in one area and just stay and stay and not progress to anything worse? This has gone on for years. As mentioned earlier, she is mentally very sharp in all other ways, no memory lapses, no forgetting who anyone is...none of that. During her last hospitalization she was tested for dementia, and we were told she does not have that diagnosis. I read her chart and did see some entries re: cognitive decline, but it seemed minimal.
I understand that it does no good to argue with someone with dementia...but when they're "regular" for most of the time, and then act irrational, it's hard for me to contain my anger over the ridiculousness of it all.
Dementia makes these behaviors worse. She has no filter anymore .
It can feel like some try to take us with them when they leave this earth.
((((Hugs))))
You can order groceries and have them delivered, and pay for someone to do the cleaning, so that you don't have to feel so much frustration about giving up your time doing things for her.
I must tell you, towards the end of my mother's very long life, I prayed for God to take her out of her misery. I never wished for one more day with her.....ever. Witnessing a loved one having delusions and being so agitated is not something anyone wishes for more of. We pray for peace for them and strength for ourselves.
Best of luck to you.
Yes your mom may not have been diagnosed with dementia, though I'm sure at 102 she has some if not a lot of mental decline.
And the fact that she's paranoid about people stealing things and doing things that they're not, is a SURE sign of dementia, as paranoia is one of the many symptoms.
Your mom is 102 and is now under hospice care, so dementia or no dementia, just try to enjoy whatever time you may have left with her, as guaranteed she will not be here much longer.
And quit trying to rationalize things with her, as with her broken brain, you'd be better off just beating your head against the wall for a bit.
So chill, and make the best of your time with your mom as there will come a day when you'll wish for just one more day with her.