My father was a bullheaded fool before his strokes. Now, despite his Left Side Neglect Syndrome, he thinks he's normal, because he's back at home, and can do whatever he wants. In fact he knows he requires a walker, but leaves it behind out of belligerence. Not only still a bullheaded fool, now can't even figure out pants go on before shoes.
My mother may have had a stroke herself, but has hidden it. It could just be dementia settling in. She is on powerful pain medications, and has been since a car accident in 1964. Now it seems to be psychological pain, because she'll be singing in her room, and laughing loudly at TV, then complains her pain is so bad that she can't even think, just to get more drugs. She is clearly a drug addict. Yes, she no doubt has the same headaches everyone else does now and then, and when she gets one of those, she won't even try to leave her bed. Her other headaches are triggered but things like someone presenting logic to her about situations she does not want to face, such as needing to throw away items soiled by mice feces and urine. (Don't worry ... the mice situation has been gone for years, but their feces and urine remains, due to what amounts to hoarding.)
My father is all but deaf, and has hearing aids. Even with those, it often takes a raised voice for him to understand. My mother calls that "yelling at him", and interferes with trying to get him through simple things like getting dressed or changing his adult diapers.
My sister has always hated my father and his religion. They never got along with each other ever since she ran away from home when she was 16. Recently she moved back in with them, claiming it was to take care of them, but she just kept to herself in her room and let them fen for themselves. Then her son also moved in, and was able to give my mother care. The situation of my father's bullheaded foolishness made my sister finally move out again. That was before my father had his strokes. She would not deal with him at all after his strokes. Her words were, "They are old. Let them die in peace."
My mother was already getting very good care from my nephew, but he could not handle the two of them, and put himself in the hospital when it became more than he could mentally handle. His mother had to stay to care for our parents for awhile, and to help my nephew through his burnout. During that time, trying to help my father shower, but not being comfortable with touching him, she dumped him on the floor, and the ambulance had to be called, because she couldn't get him back up.
I was living across the country when all this was going on. I have personal items and furniture stored at their house. When he was in the hospital for the strokes, she told me she was going to throw my things away, if I didn't come get them right away, and she was going to put my mother in a rest home, so she could sell the house. She said he was about to die, and I had to come out for the funeral, anyway.
When I got here, I found him feeling so neglected in the hospital. My mother could not visit him, except when driven there. He was getting infrequent visits by other family members. He was so depressed, he was refusing to eat the puree he had to have from the stroke induced dysphagia.
I stayed by his side, rubbing his cramps from his stroke induced Parkinson's symptoms, hand feeding him, helping him move in bed, and soon he started to recover. This greatly annoyed my sister, and that was when she said the above cruel words. Instead of gathering up my things and going back to my teenage son across the country, I packed up what I had there, and moved in to care for my parents.
From the hospital, he went to a care center, where I continued to stay with him daily. He finally became healthy enough to come home. However, once there, he wanted to not use his wheelchair or walker, despite his Left Side Neglect, and lack of brain function for balance. He wanted to use a stick, (he found in a cemetery and put a cane tip on), as a cane. Even the rehab people told him he could not use a real cane ... even a four-legged cane, let alone that stick.
Rather than recognize that, my sister said, "If he wants to use his stick for a cane, let him do it." (Keep in mind, she still hates him and wants him to die.) When I hid the stick to keep him from hurting himself, she told him I was just a bully.
Now that word, "bully", comes up any time I'm trying to help him do things he is doing wrong, or when I try to remind him he has to use his walker, or when I don't fix his food just the way he likes it, or practically anything that points out he can not do what he used to do before his strokes.
He is getting more and more belligerent, doing just the opposite of what I suggest, until he is so frustrated from failing, he finally lets me help. Even then he lies, and says what I was suggesting or trying to do for him, was what he was trying to do before I interfered ... not accepting that he was failing.