It's an outrageous situation, gone on for at least 15 years, and it's dad's fault but we cannot sit by idly now.

Dad never (I mean that) disciplined our step brother (will call him SB). At about age 14 he got into drugs. Step brother worked for a total of 3 days in all his 30 years. He has squandered all dad's finances and left him to a reverse mortgage with NO equity. If you refinance your home to support a drug addict child it leaves you penniless.

SB has no sense of right/wrong, responsibility, and one cannot reason with someone in a 30 year old body, stuck in a 13 year old mind. Dad has given excuse after excuse, reason after reason, which most adults in their right mind would never do.

BUT these are two adults. We've never been able to reason with our dad.

Last fall dad had a stroke. He needs 24/7 care for bathing, dressing and cooking. Physically he made a strong recovery. His mind is further impaired and he no longer starts or much contributes to conversations. In late fall there was a stabbing in his home in which he sat there quietly - thank God unharmed.

In the first month SB seemed he was going to be there for dad. Even said to me (oldest of 3 sisters) "The least I can do is step up to this." That lasted about 3 weeks.

We have gone through 3 caregivers. The second agency we are working with is giving us one more chance.

Chance? At any point in time there are 2 to 12 other drug addicts living in my dad's home. The 3rd caregiver left within the hour because of the drinking and smoking of marijuana. This will likely be our last chance for caregiving services.

Caregivers are NOT required to put themselves in harms way.

We sisters cannot sit by idly knowing dad is in more harm's way than ever. Not mentally or physically all there. He couldn't even know he was in harm nor could he run from it if it could reason it.

We've called the state's Elder Abuse: likely you know, they cannot do anything. As long as dad wants to stay in his home (which he does) they cannot remove him. And because SB is adult, they cannot remove him.

We now have begun a practice with our first all to the state police. They responded to our call, went out after we filled them in on our safety concern. They of course found no drugs. We are hoping the SB "drug family" decides they want no more surprises like that. And this calling was suggested by Elder Abuse to continue, at random days and times in the call of dad's safety.

We're not sure what to do because dad refuses to go into assisted living - mainly because he loves his son to the degree he knows he will be out in the street. And likely dead within months.

This is a cry for ideas.

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The step brother is a sociopath, a narcissist. That word gets thrown around on this forum, but your step brother is text book. They are missing the part of the brain that gives empathy and moral responsability. Educate yourself about sociopathy. You are expecting things of your step brother, that he can't deliver. Your father somehow feels guilty or promised your stepmom he would take care of him. Either way, he will do nothing.

You and your sisters must start erratic visits. At first every day, different times, so that a pattern can't be detected. At any sign of drug usage, quitely call the cops. Ask the drug addicts living there to pay rent, do chores. Make it so uncomfortable for them that they move out. Find a street savy woman, who is unafraid of drug addicts, and won't take any nonsense. Then pay her well, to take care of your Dad, and report any wrong activity. Agencies will be useless in this case. They must have a safe enviroment for their employees. Think outside the box. Retired cops, people who have the same situation as you, and need the money.

Your sisters will have to step up, and be your father's caregiver. You can beat your head against a brick wall, and worry, but action is needed. I also suggest a therapist, who will give you the most effective way to handle a lazy sociopath. You need knowledge and skills, a therapist can give you those. Good luck.
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Thanks Chicago1954. We feel sure dad will land in the hospital so this is good to discuss with sisters.

SB, people would believe him if he said, "I'm going to step up and care for him." I did. I've known him all my life.

Correct. Police did nothing about the stabbing. And SB was more upset about his drug addict friend in the hospital than our dad being in the middle of it all.

Dad is in New York.
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The only thing that I can add, is that you can wait it out, until dad is in the hospital again and then, refuse to take him home. I would tell the doctor that he needs nursing home care and he lives alone. Is SB able to pass himself off, as responsible, though? I guess he could take him home, himself.

There was a stabbing there and still the police did nothing?

What state are you in? Maybe one of us can think of something.
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