Long story short, mom has advanced Alzheimer's. She had NO assets and so is on Medicaid, but even with Medicaid still has a patient responsibility of ~900/month for the nursing home, which I pay. I have 3 kids, and a full time job. So, I end up taking lots of time away from my kids to see to her needs (keep on top of things in the nursing home, make calls about getting bills paid, etc.--you all know how frustrating and time consuming that kind of stuff can be). It's also a difficulty for us to pay the 900/month to the nursing home. Again, it's money not being spent on my kids, and it's getting tight for us. I find myself increasingly resentful of the time and financial strain that caregiving is costing me. It's stripping me of my compassion and making me grumpy and mean. How do handle those nasty feelings? I don't want to feel nasty about things like money, but I'm so stressed out about making ends meet. And I'm so tired of trying to balance work, home, kids, and very need mother.

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Eliminate your resentment by stop doing the things you resent.

Some households could contribute $900 to parents' care. Yours is not one of them. (Mine would not have been either, when I had children at home.)

If the NH accepts Medicaid, they have to accept mother's income + Medicaid supplement as payment in full. If they insist on charging more than that they are probably in violation of Medicaid rules. Contact your mother's Medicaid case worker and get this straightened out.

But wait ... you say you spend a lot of time "make calls about getting bills paid" -- and yet mother has no money to pay bills. Are you paying her bills with your money? Or are you using some of her income (SS, whatever) to pay bills? That is absolutely not allowed. ALL of mother's income has to go toward paying for the nursing home, less a small personal needs allowance. If you are using some of her income to pay her bills, then that would explain why the nursing home expects to be paid the shortcoming.

Each Medicaid recipient in a care center is entitled to a personal allowance out of their own income. It varies by state. (My mother gets to keep $90 per month.) ALL the rest of the recipient's income must go to pay the care center. Medicaid makes up the difference between their allowable rate and what the recipient pays through their income.

The more I think about this, the more likely it seems that in your case the NH is not getting Mother's full income. Is that true?

In any case, it is not your responsibility to pay mother's NH charges or her bills. If you are her POA you may need to spend time explaining the situation to her creditors, but you do not need to make payments out of your own funds.

The Medicaid case worker can probably help you set this up as it should be.
Helpful Answer (3)

If you didn't exist who would pay the NH bill. I would think that Medicaid would pay all of it. So I think you should look into having Medicaid pay all of it.
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Many NHs make their own rules. The contract/agreement signed is the key.
Helpful Answer (0)

That's how I always thought it was too. I've always heard that the nursing home has to accept what Medicaid pays them, which is most of the recipient's monthly income, minus a small monthly allowance. I would get the paperwork out and see what the deal is. If someone was getting that amount of money each month, over and above their regular income, it might put them over the maximum qualification amount for Medicaid. I'd get the documents and have an expert review it.
Helpful Answer (4)

You should NOT be paying for her at all. Under Medicaid, the facility takes her SS check, she gets a PNA allowance, and Medicaid pays the rest.
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