My father is 94 years old, lives with me and my husband, and has congestive heart failure, among other issues. He's been in and out of the hospital so many times in the past 8 or so years, I feel that they should give him his own room there.
The issue is, I took him to his primary yesterday for his latest hospital follow-up. Basically what the doctor told me is that there is nothing more we can do for him and that at this point he is living on "bonus time" which I agree with. I asked if I should be pushing him to do more for himself. i.e. walk more, move more, etc. He is still very independent but getting lazy and loves my husband and me to do everything for him. Lately, he just sits on the couch and complains about everything. It hurts to move, it hurts to stand, etc., etc. I do know that is true, but I keep telling him that the doctors say if he doesn't try it will only get worse. He gets mad at me every time I try to tell him something because he thinks it's coming from me and I made it up and I am I have completely lost my patience. I tend to snap at him. Can't help it, I have a few issues of my own that are extremely worrisome, including my type 2 which is hard to control due to stress from my dad.
He doesn't like to eat and I'm tired of trying to get him to eat (a big fight every time), so (on doctor's advice) I leave him alone. But he has to give me a three-hour lecture on why he doesn't want to eat and I just don't want to hear it anymore. I tell him, "just say no and I don't want to hear why not" because I already know all the excuses.
I'm just so tired and angry at myself for my lack of patience. I never knew my grandparents or any other elder relatives as they are or were all in other countries so I really don't know how to deal with these issues. I have three siblings who really can't be bothered. My sister comes to visit and babies him to the point that he loves her attention. But that's only once every few weeks. Then he expects me to do the same. She doesn't deal with the day-to-day crap, doctor's appointments, insurance calls, etc. I can't spend every minute with him as I have things I need to do, including trying to solve my own health issues.
How do you get over all the guilt while still trying to do all you can? I feel like I'm losing my mind. My husband is a great help with him, but he is feeling the stress just as much when he is home and not at work.
I've tried to get help from Medicaid (he doesn't qualify. They said he has too many resources, which I don't understand as he has absolutely nothing. Never owned anything, home, credit cards or life insurance, etc.) and his insurance is no help either.