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Hey you all, Daddy is at 7a dementia and in a good memory care unit. When I can get him on the phone (he often can't answer the phone 'cause he doesn't know what it is or how to use it) he gets very agitated. "Where am I, come get me". He was a politician and a yacht racing captain. I frequently lie to him and tell him he is in the Caribbean (many of his care givers are from Jamaica) or in Argentina (his dementia doc is hispanic). But he will have to be given a tranquilizer after he talks to me. Question, should I just stop talking to him on the phone? I live five hundred miles from him.

I agree with the others. Don't call. Talk to the nurse.
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Reply to Lvnsm1826
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Yes, I would speak with staff and ask if he asks for you. If he does that is the time they can help him to call YOU.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Yes! I would definitely stop calling your father if he requires a tranquilizer to calm down afterward. You have to remember that he's no longer able to recognize you as his daughter and that you are calling to have a chat. Don't apply your rules of normalcy to dementia which HAS no normalcy to it!! It's tough, I know........but the best thing for HIM is to remain calm at all costs.

Why not call the nurse instead to find out how your dad is doing? Perhaps you can set up a Zoom call where he won't realize it...............whereby you can see him on the screen (with the help of an aide, of course) but you won't speak to him. She can hold the tablet so that you're able to view him and see that he's well cared for, etc. And then speak to the aide afterward and check in that way.

I wonder if you could take a trip to see him in person once the virus rules loosen up a bit? Of course, you may run into the same situation where he's agitated to see you.........but perhaps not. Who knows?

So sorry you are having to deal with such a terrible situation. I hate dementia with every ounce of my being, and am dealing with it with my almost 94 y/o mother who's never, ever happy about anything. Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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