My Dad (89) spends his days sitting in a chair watching TV. He refuses most of everything. What can I do?

My only suggestion is that you keep trying to do everything you can to help your father, and make him happy now, you'll be so glad you did when he's gone. My father had Alz and hated TV, reading the paper, just about anything around the house. He used to go to house sales on his own, so I continued to take him, even though his walking was really bad, and he usually bought things that made no sense, like toys, Christmas decorations, etc. We would go to Burger King after them, by the time he got home he was a happy tired That was last summer, and this year he's not here anymore, but I have a lot of good memories of those days.
Continue to try to get your father to go out, for a ride, to eat, whatever. Getting them out helps so much, physically and mentally. Good Luck.

Caring for things gives purpose...How about fish in an aquarium ?

So Moxie1, any tips on finding a fitness trainer? I'm in a similar situation and my father will definitely say no. YOur story of just doing it is very inspirational.

Villagegirl, try your local YMCA or call retirement facilities- many of them have visiting personal trainers who specialize in elderly and also do personal training at home for other clients. Other places to look would be at gyms, and also physical rehabilitation facilities may have personal trainers they recommend. Make sure you like the trainer and that he (and I recommend you get a male because your dad will enjoy the companionship of another man) is someone who is compassionate and experienced in dealing with elderly. Our trainer has a degree in kinesthesiology, but has also worked as a physical therapist.

Just want to begin by saying I'm sorry about the passing of your mother. My family is dealing with the same problems but the roles are reversed. My parents were married almost 60 years but last November my father passed from Lung Cancer which we discovered after being admitted to the hospital. My mother was my fathers caregiver as well and she had her bad days trying to care for someone so bull headed at times. This Cancer took him very fast but he passed at home with all his love ones around but my mother was in denial. She barely came to dads room and just chose to sleep through most of what was happening. Now moving forward my mother is a total wreck. The passing of my dad has put me in her home 90% of the time because she fears being alone now. Her grief has taking over as well. In the first few months my mother was totally disconnected from the outside world and refused to leave the house only for dr. appointments. Lately we had to deal with taking to many sleeping aids because all she wanted was to go be with my dad. It was just easier to deal if she was asleep but when awake reality would sit in. She became very mean at times saying things so hurtful to me I had to have a forgiving heart. We have taking away the sleep aids she made her best friend because they have her a short lived comfort. Now none of this is easy because addictive behavior is the devils playground. Today my mother is still grieving immensely but till you walk in those shoes who are we to say how much one should mourn. I lost my dad and I find days that I'm so sad I just want to stay in my bed as well. We children have had to get mad and tell mom that dad would not want this from her. That it's not her time to leave us just yet. We have had to be patient, understanding and loving. Being nonjudgmental because who are we to judge how much she misses dad. It is a day by day task because if I leave for a day she starts acting out. She gets sick suddenly calling ambulance to take her to the hospital. It's something new almost everyday with her and I never thought at 48 years old I would be putting my life on hold. All I can say is it seems to get better daily if mom decides it is going to be better so your father has to give a little. If by chance he refuses to eats sometimes you cant make the body hungry. He is choosing his behavior. Sadly everything he does is behavioral but you just can tell him how much he is loved and needed. I could tell you everything will be just fine but every circumstance is different. My mother is finally willing to go see a grief counselor but it will probably get worse before it gets better because she has alot of pent up anger. I wish the best for your father and family. Just don't give up on him...he is worth all the time and love you have to give. The person that referred to our elderly parents as lunatics, shame on you. I feel for your mother knowing someone like you takes care of her, she was probably happier at the facility you took her to for two weeks. Probably felt like spa day not dealing with a bully like you. I hope someone steps in and takes her away from you. God bless us all for doing right by our parents.

Yes i agree with "let him be" hes lost his lifelong partner and cargiver thats very traumatic just be there for him and maybe later talk to his doc he is obviously depressed.
A death from what ive heard from neighbours is usually the start of a big decline with this illness. My mum was seperated from my dad for 38yrs she never moved on and when he died before xmas she has gone downhill quickly i suppose all the past coming back to haunt her and not the good stuff.

I say let him be and be there for him i tried so hard with mum to get her to do things like dentist doc etc until it almost killed me i now just let her be you cannot force them to do what you want them to do since ive let her be im less stressed th

It would be very nice if everybody would remember to make paragraphs. It just adds to a person's anxiety to have to read a lengthy post without even one paragraph. Therefore, I didn't read the lengthy post above. Too much tension for me. Sorry.

willows - I could not agree more! It's like running without breathing..

Seriously Willow?! My posting was meant for goodness which I typed on my cell phone. Rather one nit picks about paragraphs seems quite petty but you can't please everyone.

I am not very e-group literate and appreciate Willow's input. I thought perhaps it was not good form to use paragraphs. I am prone to long writing, which nobody can find appealing without paragraphs (and then maybe not). So thank you Willow!

My dad is "only" 75 and spends 12 of his 14 out-of-bed hours a day asleep. The rest is TV. He used to do so much. Now, he empties the dish washer and gets the mail and takes the trash to the dump each week. That's about it. He can't make meals for himself anymore. My mother died a year ago. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. If I ask him an opinion, he always says, "It don't matter." Last summer, he had his third psychotic break (2004, 2005, 2013). He was manic and fully psychotic. This time, they wouldn't make him take medication so he was out of it for weeks. His brain was fried, and he can't think well, see well, etc. He's never had friends (me neither for that matter), and I'm the only relative who cares. It's so hard just waiting for him to die. I should be trying to make him better but I don't know what else to do. I give him psych meds to keep him sane but he's a zombie. Mom could also get him to do whatever she wanted. He just wants to do nothing.

Your father appears to still be grieving and at 89 he is aware of his limitations. It is both sad and frustrating to watch a parent slip further and further away. Sometimes, just continuing on without the person that has been the closest to them, must be very hard. My wife and I are facing the same thing, but her mother now 90 has dementia and often the same simple conversations complete with exact same answer are had numerous times in a short period of time and often right after it has ended it begins again. It is always new and fresh in her mind, but we may have answered it a hundred times. Patience, love and understanding is key to the situation. We are not made to last forever, so each of us lives the best we can, however we can. You need to find some friends you can talk to who share similar experiences because caring for an adult parent is difficult and challenging just as it was for them to care for us as we were growing and experiencing everything in life for the first time.

Instead of paying for a personal trainer out of pocket, see if the doctor will prescribe physical therapy. Medicare & health insurance will pay, and it does do wonders for the mind and body. Before the PT runs out, you can get an assessment from the therapist to use if you do want to continue on your own with PT or a personal trainer. You would at least had some of it covered, and come out with a written assessment for the next person to use. It's also a good benchmark in time, so if there is decline, you can measure it against something concrete.