My Dad is 82 and an alcoholic who obviously needs to go into assisted living or find full-time care at home, but consistently refuses to do so. He will tell me one day that he wants someone to "live-in" with him, but wants to pay a wage so low that no one would consider it. I found someone who was willing to take his low rate of pay, then he changed his mind about what he wanted to pay them and wanted to pay less. The next day he will tell me he wants to go to assisted living, but complains the place is like a prison. (I'd move in myself tomorrow if it were up to me honestly.) He keeps changing his mind and shifting the goal-posts so that it makes it impossible for me to do anything. On top of this, all of my siblings are full of good ideas about things we (my husband and I) can do to help him, while completely ignoring the fact that we both work and we also have a minor-aged daughter who is experiencing mood instability and severe depression. She is in now in intensive therapy that takes up an enormous amount of time and just came out of her third acute hospitalization.
Dad's last thing is that he is now refusing to eat. If I am there, all day long, he might (with coaxing) eat 600 calories. He is severely malnourished and losing weight. I cannot get him to go the doctor's office and he refuses to go in the ambulance.
He's had three pretty severe falls (though how he's managed not to break anything is anybody's guess) in the past month. We simply can't keep helping my Dad or doing the things my siblings are suggesting by ourselves anymore. Yet, anytime we try to hire anyone, Dad claims they are "too expensive" even though he can well afford the help.
Trying to care for him plus take care of our daughter is putting enormous amounts of stress on both of us physically and mentally, not to mention a huge strain on our marriage. We're both on high blood pressure medication now and both our doctor's have attributed it to stress. I keep telling my siblings "that's a great suggestion, but I don't have time to do that with our daughter's therapy schedule." It goes in one ear and out the other. And Dad will call me yelling and screaming about how he took care of me and now it's my turn to take care of him. I just can't do it. And moving in with us is not an option. We cannot have his alcoholism and his stress in our home with our daughter who is already having severe issues. If anyone has any advice about what to do, I would really welcome it. We just can't continue to deal with the situation as it is. Honestly, if it weren't for my husband's job, I'd move out of state and disappear.