Dad is 95 and mobility is an issue. At what point do you seek outside help for day to day activities?


Right now dad is good but transitioning to a walker today. My biggest fear is who to contact and bring in if he needs more help with everyday such as bathing. My wife is his care giver right now but I cannot ask her to bath my father or help him use the toilet when the time comes. I want to be prepared before it hits us one day.

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scopuk, good idea about contacting the VA. There is an article here on Aging Care that would be helpful:

it is common for people to want to pass away at home. I know I don't, give me the hospital, otherwise my sig other would need to walk pass that room every day and relive the feelings over and over. But that is just us.

But don't be afraid to move Dad to a nursing home when the time comes. My Mom passed in long-term-care but her brain was so damaged she didn't even know where she was. My Dad passed in Memory Care, this personal caregivers took turns taking care of him so he wouldn't be alone.

Medicaid can help out with paying for room, board, and care. Check with your State Medicaid office to see what programs are available. Those programs are subject to change depending on State budgets.
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Reply to freqflyer

Thanks for the reply. Dad would not be able to afford the $20 per hour. He only gets SS benefits and a small pension each month. He is a WWII combat vet and I was thinking of contacting the VA to see if they offer any support. We could definitely pay some, but not all. Our biggest challenge is his request to die in his home and not go to a NH. I want to honor that but I know we will need to be prepared with the who and how much $ to make this a reality when we cannot provide the care he needs.
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Reply to scopuk

scopuk, that is great that you are thinking ahead. Eventually your Dad might need to hire a caregiver from an Agency. Agencies are licensed, bonded, insured, and have workman's comp for their employees. Dad may need only 3 or 4 hours to begin with, which will give you and your wife a break from his care.

On average the cost is between $20-$30/hour depending on where you live. Do you think your Dad could budget for that cost? It should not come out of your own savings.

My own Dad lived by himself, thus he really liked having the caregivers there to help him. The Agency sent out a variety of different caregivers and Dad narrowed it down to two that he really enjoyed having around during the day, they had a lot in common with Dad and laughed at his jokes/puns. They were with him for over a year :)

Eventually Dad decided it was time to sell his house and move into senior living, where he was happy as a clam.
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