I've been caregiving for dad for about 4 years. He is not actively dying, but he has suffered a lot of muscle atrophy and now gets intense fatigue. Over the course of his illness, he has repeatedly been self destructive to the point where he has fewer and fewer good days because his digestive system can no longer manage his rationializations. The stress of caring for him plus work was killing me, so 2 months ago my husband and I decided to make some changes. One is that I work less than 12 hrs a week. The other is that my dh is more involved in the active caring so I can get the hell out of the house and try to salvage my friendships. In theory, dad is supportive of the second one. But it seems like every chance he gets he'll say things like "but he has a real job. I want him to rest on the weekend" or he'll say he's not hungry until I walk in the door and ask me to cook. When I told him it was important that he let dh help so that I could go be a person, he actually asked me "why" and told me he feels bad I feel like I need to escape him. It's not so much that I want to escape, I just want what people have: time with friends to laugh, go places, a chance to go to the gym, etc. How can I stay strong and kind when he acts so sexist and shabbily?