My father and mother seperated when I was 12 years old am now 57 and he is 83. He now has dementia. He was living alone and I paid someone to clean his house, shop for him and even had him in a Sr. Day Care. He recently went into the Hospital and they discovered he had blocked arteries and now 9 weeks later I have him living with me because I don't think that he should be alone. However, I am about to lose my mind. I have not gone into my office only about 3 times in the nine weeks am fortunate enough to work from home. My issue is that the bible teaches us to Honor our mother and father. But I find my self resenting the fact that am now left to care for him after him not being there for me. I have 3 other siblings two don't have anything to do with him and the other one's schedule doesn't permit for him to share in the caring. I am ok with preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have a large house and when am away or a sleep my father manages to go to the kitchen and find food and snacks but all through out the day he constantly wets on himself even with pampers every morning the bed is wet and so is he. I know this is not the right thing too do but the cost of the pampers and bed pads seem to have left me with no choice but to leave him wet. The restroom is next to his room and when he gets up or go to lay down he has to pass the restroom but will never enter. Is there anything that I can do to make him go to the restroom. I have considered just keeping him in a section of the house since he want go. My wife and I wash clothes everyday because we change him two to three times a day.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Sorry, but Honor your Father only comes into effect when those same parents have cared the best they could for you. A father that chooses not to be in their child's life does not need to be honored.

My daughter's father chose not to be in her life. His loss. At work two half sisters were fighting over their mothers care. Seems the oldest chose to live with her Dad when the parents separated. The mother remarried and had the younger girl. Oldest claimed Mom never treated her as a daughter. Visits to her home were not pleasant so she stopped going. She felt she owed her Mom nothing because she was never treated well as her daughter. They wanted my daughter's opinion she told them they were asking the wrong person because she would never do for her real Dad because he never did for her.
Helpful Answer (0)

P.S... My dad had prostate problem. He refused to treat it. When was the last time your father had a complete check-up? You may want to have his prostate checked while at it.
Helpful Answer (1)

I was obligated to take care of my parents due to local tradition and God's command to honor your parents. You go with what your conscience obligates you to do. What you can live with. I will say this, though. If you have tried your best to take care of your father and you can no longer do it, there is nothing that says that you cannot put an aging parent who needs more help than you can provide in a nursing home. This is like the last resort. Again, this is based on your conscience and if you can live with that decision. If you do decide to put him in an alternate living arrangement, you are still obligated to 'honor your father and mother' by making sure he's okay in that new place. I'm sure you know it cannot be an 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality.

Now, about the pampers. It's really important that this gets changed frequently. If he continues to wear wet, acidic urinated overflowing pampers for hours, his front and butt area will become irritated and most likely break out with rashes. If you don't control those rashes, it will worsens to the point he's scratching inside (front and back) and will most likely smear the mess all over the place. And if this continues, he will have bedsore. Trust me, you don't want this to happen. Bedsores happen so fast and the hole gets big so fast. Hole as in going deep down towards the bone. Very gross. My dad's one and only bedsore bled profusely. Mom's one and only bedsore didn't bleed but it sure tried to go deep towards the bone. Hers took weeks to get rid of it. Each of those small square patches cost $10.00 each, not covered by insurance. We spent over $200 on those patches.

Try to check out stores in your area. CVS sometimes has sales on generic pampers. My dad's pampers could never hold his urine overnight. He always wet the bed every morning. When he got the catheter (urine no longer flowed out automatically), I had to empty the bag quite often because he urinates a lot. He can't help it. Your dad can't help it.

@Barb, hopefully, he knows how to find his question. I've read how a few posters don't know how to find their questions to see what the answers are.
Helpful Answer (1)

Barb, I found nothing offensive in your response.

And as most of us have probably discovered, some posters post only once and never return.

Or it's possible that there's a crisis at home. We know all too well that those happen!
Helpful Answer (4)

I think I may have offended the OP.
Helpful Answer (2)

How does "Honor Thy father and mother" morph into " I need to move parent in with me"?

Call your local Area Agency on Aging and get dad a needs assessment. Or call his doctor and ask for a social worker and OT to be assigned to do that.

What are dad's financial resources? Start calling care facilities. Get him on every waiting list you can. See if the facility will come and assess if dad is a fit for their facility.

Alternatively, call A Place for Mom and work with them to identify dad's
level of need and the appropriate place.  Paid for with HIS FUNDS.
Helpful Answer (10)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter