I took care of my Mom when she had Alzheimer's. Dad was still alive yet he was no help. That was for 8 years. Now Dad is declining and I am his caregiver because it just fell on me AGAIN. I have my own health issues and saw the Urgent care doctor today who said that if I didn't take care of myself I would be dead before my Dad. I have lost interest in everything. I used to love to sew doll clothes and up until my Dad got sick last October I found the time to do it because it wasn't as demanding as now. I can't even really focus on tv. Now I have no time for myself because I am in this constant eagle eye state because he is a high fall risk because of his knees. Even though I have siblings they haven't talked to us in over 30 years-still harboring old resentments. One of them even had the nerve to chastise my Dad because he didn't go to his niece's funeral even though she knew that my Dad has health issues. I don't drive so we rely on the local services for the elderly like Silver Key and the local ADA paratransit. So I have to make sure I have rides scheduled which also stresses me out because I wonder if I scheduled them. I'm fighting a cold now and this morning I forgot to give him his meds and so the guilt trip starts for not doing so. That's the thing-the guilt for feeling like I do because it's not his fault that he's declining in health. I just wish I had a life. I have a couple of neighbors I talk to but unless someone has lived this life they have no clue. When I do go out to run errands I have a panic state that all will be well until I get home. So, now we here where am feeling very stressed out. I did call my city's council for the aging and their caregiver support group man says I qualify for respite vouchers so I see him tomorrow. Hopefully he can help me. He's also a veteran so on Thursday I plan on contacting the VA about the respite program too. He doesn't qualify for Medicaid because he makes too much money. Yet if I get really sick I would have all kinds of help since I do have Medicaid. Then I worry about myself and what if I get sick with another bout of diverticulitis. Last June I was laid up for 2 weeks-the antibiotic treatment is 2 of them in 7 days time. I was so sick. So I worry about that. I see my doctor in April-she is also his doctor so she knows I am taking care of him. What I REALLY need is someone to just talk to. I almost had 2 nervous breakdowns when I took care of my mom. Don't want to go there again.