Can he make me move out?

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Can my dad make me move out ? I moved in with him 1 year and 4 months ago after he ended up in the hospital thanks to a good neighbor. He has many health problem, some of which are because of his vascular dementia and not properly caring for himself, among other such as a few strokes. I am his DPOA, Health care proxy and only son. We recently had a argument over a few things and he lost it, telling me he wants me out by the new year. I do everything for him, cooking, shop, clean, appointment management, medication management, take him to socialize daily. He's memory is extremely bad, forget things short term and I'm starting to see long term. Example: short term, made a haircut appoint on his own, 2 hours later when it was time to go he had completely forgotten it. Long term, can't remember dates, home phone, zip, or area code. He also believes he doesn't have a problem.

So I have gotten in contact with local Elderly Services and a elder law lawyer ( but she is on vacation for a week. I have been told by ES, because of the DPOA I'm legally responsible for his health and safety and can't not leave because it could be neglygents or abandonment and I could face charges. But how do I explain it to him, because I've tried many times and he doesn't believe me that I know what I'm talking about. Which is how the arguments started, he never thinks I know anything and he is always right. I'm hoping to get the lawyer here to explain it to him in hopes that he will believe someone with her clout and legal talk. I do t want to put him in the states care or a home. He has always said, "I'm not going to one of those places!" "I want to die at home." I'm trying my best to do what he wants, but he is making it hard. But my main question is can he make me leave ? And what do I do if I can't stay for my own mental health ? I have moved hours from my home town and have nobody except my girlfriend who is able to come down and stay quit often.

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Ccoast - you have been given great advice and experience.

I would like to add to the wise words of CountryMouse, JessieBelle & Babalou this:
- start salting away a few extra dollars each week. If dad inspects the bills, you will have to go creative on this….like buy a few extra things and return them and you keep the cash. A friend of mine had to do this to cover the cost of gas as her dad insisted that she was "gallivanting all around town on his dime" and that was why she spend so much on gas. Dad flat could not process that gas could cost close to $ 4.00 so therefore she was a lying gad-about thief as he cannot be wrong.
- you need to start a binder on dad's financials. Now is the perfect time of the year to get started on this & fresh for 2015. All of dad's financials will be coming in - from 1099's on interest paid, property tax bills, etc. You really need to have detailed documentation on just what dad owns & owes. You may find that things may not be as rosy as thought. Dad may be underinsured; may not be paying his taxes; may not have filed whatever in a timely manner. With dementia they will often in a fit of pique cancel something or refuse to pay something, and this snowballs to having a policy cancelled. Like they get pissed off that their life insurance company isn't sending them a prepaid envelope anymore, so they refuse to send in the required payment & the policy which they paid on for 20 years is cancelled. Totally loco but that is how dementia can be. If in the near future, you need to hire home health to augment what you do, you need to know and fast what funds are out there or what could be liquidated to do this.

Also realize that Dad probably has too much assets to qualify for governmental assistance (like Medicaid). If he was a veteran, he can get that though. It is my firm belief that IF they live long enough, they will eventually run out of money and the caregiver will run out of steam. You need to plan for that eventuality both in having a bead on what dad can afford and to plan for your own future.

It's telling that Dad is paying you an amount that is what you made when you were back in your high school days and still a minor under his authority. He does not understand what the economy is now and he finds what you do to be of no skilled value. That isn't going to change so you need to do whatever to plan for your future around all this. The personal services contract is a good place to start & you get 2 or 3 home health agencies to come in and give an estimate of what they would change your dad. Then either he pays you via the contract for what home health would charge or you hire home health and he pays for it which you can do as you have DPOA. You cannot continue with the Mr Nice Sonny Boy anymore & you can do this. If not, something is going to happen to you that leaves you incapacitated and the court do an emergency guardianship / ward of the state action on dad. You really don't want to have this happen & you can do what is needed to have dad cared for and have yourself properly compensated. You both are fortunate that dad has the funds to make this happen. Good luck.
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Backing up, your dad has financial resources. Investments that produce invome, a paid off house. Does he have a will? Who are these assets left to?

I'm curious, because your dad seems to be saving for a rainy day and it's pouring outside. As POA, it seems to me that you have an obligation, not simply a right, to spend money on his care.

If he's gotten to the point where he's a using you of what amounts to abuse, for self protection, I would move him to AL or Memory care .
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If your father is extremely resistant, you may want to file for conservatorship or guardianship. I believe this is usually handled through the probate court. There will be a good bit of paperwork to fill out to show that your father is not competent. I believe that the final court costs can be taken from your father's accounts. You may want to check on this. Since you are POA, you may be selected as conservator. However, the court can also choose someone outside the family if there is conflict or other reason not to award conservatorship to a family member. This may be the way you want to go if your father is incompetent and cannot be reasoned with.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could live peacefully with our elders? Dementia certainly throws a monkey wrench in things.
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I meant to add: you are doing the right things for him. The fact that he complains or is unreasonably dissatisfied is not evidence that you are doing a bad job. Be comforted. He is incredibly lucky to have someone who cares what he wants as his POA.
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Well. Move ahead… by that I mean, approach as a project the question of how your father is to be cared for from now on, in what setting, by whom, using what resources, etc etc etc.; and then the hard bit: go ahead and do it.

So, example one: it has become impossible/intolerable for you to remain living with him in his home. You might then decide that in that case he will need to move to an ALF (or higher level of support, even), his house is to be sold, and the whole funding process begun. You have the authority to do that.

Or, you might decide that he can live in his home but since he can't do it safely without live-in care you will try to find a paid, qualified, reputable companion who is able to undertake this role (I'm not recommending this, btw); and you will meanwhile make plans for your own future, relieved of day to day responsibilities but supervising from a distance while you get on with your own life.

That kind of thing. So I suppose the lynchpin is that what you can't do - or you can, but I think you'd be sorry - is sit back and wait for it to get worse. The answer to your original question of can he make you move out, assuming that he is truly and actually declared legally incompetent, is no, he can't. He now cannot make any such substantial decisions for himself, enter into contracts or enforce them. You have to do all of it for him, acting as far as you can as you know he would have preferred.

Since he is already pretty combative about this, I would say that the sooner you call in reinforcements or find alternative provision, the better. Meanwhile you are doing all you can to calm and reassure him; but if he isn't already he soon will be someone who cannot reason. Are there any support groups in your local area? A friend in need...
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seacoast, I read where you said the neurologist wrote he could not live alone. Is this the same thing as mental incompetence, where he can't make his own decisions? I don't know how that works.
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Countrymouse, what do you mean move ahead with POA and assessment ? I have DPOA and as I said he has been tested for competence, I have all the documentation. Tell me what you mean with move ahead ?
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draw up a caregivers agreement so you are getting paid for everything you are doing if that is possible to change if he is paying you so little. if you are keeping him from nursing home admittance then you are earning the house regardless in some states but you will need an elderlaw lawyer consult
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Seacoast, if you have POA and your father has been deemed incompetent, then your problem isn't that your father doesn't agree. Of course he doesn't agree! - that's kind of the point. The problem is that you now have not only the right but the duty to make decisions on his behalf whether he likes them or not. The scene has changed. Serving his best interests now takes precedence over respecting his wishes, rather than vice versa. Given your sincere and profound respect for his autonomy this is going to be no less distasteful to you than it is to him, but the time has come for you to plan his future care and go full steam ahead with it. What are the options?
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Don't get me wrong, I don't tell him he is incompetent, but I question him on how he will do things with out me ? I watch the bills, I see the mistakes and let them happen only to correct them later when they come back. He think they are petty mistakes and they should have sent them back. LOL
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