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She is in renal failure and we have a hospice nurse coming in twice a week. The nurse was able to prescribe Diphenoxylate which has remedied the diarrhea and reduced the BMs to once or twice a day. It has also eliminated the leakage between BMs.
The initial dosage was 2 pills 4 time per day. My mom is extremely tiny and that dosage seemed excessive to me. So I started with 2 pills at night. That wasn't quite enough, so I tried 2 in the morning and 2 at night. That was a little too much. Tried 1 in the morning and 1 at night. That wasn't enough. So now we're at 2 in the morning and 1 at night. That seems to be the correct combination, but it took 2 weeks of trial and error. And you have to try the dosage for a few days to see how it's working. Initial side effects were drowsiness and extremely dry mouth, but after 2 weeks the side effects have subsided.
Although the nurse warned that as the dementia progresses even further the medication might not work at all. That she might become more like an infant where she just releases any time. I hope this was helpful. Also, I found Huggies Natural Care wipes are much better than toilet paper. Larger, stronger, more gentle.
I didn't know it at the time, but pull ups rip down the sides. Making easier to get off. Willie's idea is a good one.
As for cleaning up - I was fortunate in that our hand held shower can easily reach the toilet, so I could giver her a good wash and rinse there. There are simple bidet sprayer attachments that will hook up to your toilet water supply, unfortunately that would be cold water only.