My mother uses the house as a open toilet! What do I do?

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my mother has dementia, which I am sorry but at times I think she is faking cause can anybody be so out there!!! She has now started a new thing which is gross but I have a strong stomach but times its not possible not to vomit. Mom is now pooping and peeing EVERYWHERE like a untrained puppy. she wears depends but she will pull them down anywhere and go. example such as in bed poop under her pillow, sits on edge of tub and does #1 and 2, in garbage cans, in the middle of floors, under coach coushins, she has even tried to do in the middle of Wal-Mart!! she of course uses her had to wipe down there so now there is poo everywhere in her hair, mouth, face,walls, clothes, between her toes and under her finger nails. She is sly she will wait till I leave room to do it!! So she knows what she is doing! She likes to hide her poo I have caught her carry her poo to hide somewhere! She thinks its funny!!!!! boy does that make me mad! Especially when I step in it!!! I try to hide most of this from the hubby and kids so they won't be grossed. WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!

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I take care of my mother plus I have been a CNA for years 1st If you can get extra help get it.
2nd if you can schedule times to change her every three to four hours or less even if she does not have to go.
If you can sit her on the potty try turning the faucet on and let the water run down the sink so she can hear it
this may help her go. 3rd if you can find a way to cover things that can't be replaced because accidents are
going to happen. On the part she knows what she is doing well take it from somebody who worked in Nursing
Homes for years she really doesn't know what she is doing it but it way seem that way. Good Luck!!!
Helpful Answer (19)
Reply to JohnT
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I had a similar problem with my mom when she was in the latter stages of Alzheimer's. Initially she would make it to the bathroom and forget how to pull down her pants and sit on the toilet. She absolutely refused to wear depends so we let her wear sweatpants without any underpants.
This allowed my father (her primary caregiver) to get her on the toilet as fast as he realized she needed to go. Also it was easier to wash the sweatpants or even discard them because they were not expensive.
Your mother may be squatting anywhere in the house because in her mind she is an infant and that was what she did before she was potty trained. If this is the case, you will have to try to modify this behavior in the same way you would do potty training for a toddler. Take her to the bathroom every half hour and get her to pull down her pants and sit on the toilet for at least 5 minutes. Sometimes she will go. Praise and reward her with a hug when she does. When she does not go, let her get off, pull up her pants and go back to what she was doing before. Keep this up all day for a couple of days until she starts to go on her own. But do not get angry with her when she reverts back. Just start the reinforcement again--always with loving kindness.
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Reply to ezcare
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Thanks to all for your information, I have 2 beside side commodes one in her room and the other in the living room. I have covered most of the floor in her room and areas in main living area with with those fabric bed pads to help catch her "accidents". but she spends most of the day picking them up off the floor and I spend most of my day laying them back down and chasing her, she is ALWAYS on the go. She only sleeps about 3 hours/nite and is awake for the other 21hrs a day and hardly sits still.(I wish I had that kind of energy however I am forced to pretend to have energy LOL)thank god that the our house has hardwood flooring so it makes cleaning easier. I know I should tell my husband but I am afraid he will feel that it should be time to check out homes for mom, I am one of those people that think I can do everything on my own. I have tried the reward method, she tell me shes no kid and not make a to make a fuss. I try to put her on the potty at least 1 time an hour. I try to feed her healthly meals on a set schedule to try to keep her regular,(but I can't get her regular). I used to be able to tell from her actions(like a toddler) when she had to go. Now, for the most part there is no warning. I know in my heart she doesn't know what she is doing, but my mind thinks the opposite. Since, I asked this question a few days ago, I am now trying something different, I bought those diapers with tabs. I put one of those on her with a depends over the top. I told her that these are special underpants that you can pee and poop in. I told her that I wear them too. She thinks its pretty neat so far. I did home health for years before I started taking care of her, so honestly I'd rather change a soiled diaper thru out the day then scrub her, floor and furniture all day. I don't want her to become dependant on the diaper, I still want her to go to the bathroom. Its right now just trial and error but it seems too be helping. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS
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Reply to yellowfeever
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My mom passed away on 2 june 2013. My caregiver relationship and journey has come to an end. I know this is so off to topic. I think I could right a book on everything you are experiencing. But, let me leave you with these words to ponder. Keep reminding yourself, you are doing the best you can with love and kindness. Dementia is a terrible disability. You can't win, but you can adjust to it. There is no wrong or right answer to the decisions you will be making in the coming days. They will all be right for you. You are dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't. So make your decisions, let them settle in your bones, and take every day as it is, the present. Your mom will astound and teach you many things in the coming days. When she is finally gone, you will miss her and thank her for how strong she made you. Join a support group, find a friend who is going through the same thing. Unless you have a parent with dementia, any from of dementia, others cannot understand! You will survive this time in your life, and your mom is blessed to have you. You are allowed to scream and then let the acceptance of dementia settle in your bones. Blessings!
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Reply to red17roses
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During my time as a hospice nurse, I had a patient that did this. We tried to be creative by dressing her in a one piece bathing suit under her clothes so that it was more difficult; dressing her in a one piece outfit (jumpsuit) with the zipper in the back, and of course, bathroom routine at least every hour. It is a very difficult issue to deal with. Have patience and ask for help from family/friends so that you can get well needed breaks. Dementia is a very difficult disease for families and it might reach a point where you cannot physically or emotionally care for her. Speak with your physician about hospice or call your local hospice for more information. The knowledge and support they can provide to your mom and you is amazing. You are not alone. Best of luck to you
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Reply to CaringNurse
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Yellowfever....welcome to Dementia/alheimer world ! This is NOT on purpose, please dont even think that !!!! I was told this would happen to my mom from a friend who lost her Mom to dementia/alz and I didnt believe her. She told me my Mom would begin to use my home as her personal toilet. Sure enough, it started happening. My Mom would get up, pull down her pants and pee all over her bedroom floor, I was shocked and devastated. I would try and hide to clean it and then realized she got right back into bed and never knew what she did. After a Long Time of aggravation and denial on my part, I came up with a solution. I sewed straps onto pajama bottoms that are like suspenders. I put them over a pj top, THEN put another PJ top over that. She could NO longer remove her clothes to pee or poop and by the time she tried to figure it all out, she had done it in her pants and then forgot about it. There is also "unstrippable" clothing you can buy on a site called Buck and Buck but my Mom was too large for their clothes, nice thou.
Email me any time, its ok, after about a year it will stop, my Mom just stopped doing it . You will be ok, they cannot get off clothes zipped up the back either.
Luvmom
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Reply to anonymous101100
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I am glad you shared some of your concerns with your husband and it is great that he has some influence. There may soon come the time when you and your husband will have to decide where your mom will live. Don't lose your husband over this. Is there any particular reason WHY you do not want your mom to be placed in a longterm care facility, yellowfeever? Lack of funds? Feelings of guilt? Lack of trust in facilities? You mentioned that you have siblings. What is their thinking on placing Mom im a facility? You also mentioned that your mom never worked outside the home, had a very controlling nature, and did housework day in and day out. I am HAPPY to report to all people who DON'T find keeping a house spotless is the end-all and be-all of life that, in order to stave off the development of Alzheimer's, the following challenges are recommended: crossword puzzles, brainteasers, crafts such as woodworking and sewing (maybe sewing jumpsuit straitjackets, yellowfeever), hobbies such as gardening and building model airplanes, socializing (which is sort of what we do in this group), reading, learning a new language, taking a class, travelling to learn, learning to use a new "tool" of some sort, attending thought-provoking events, reversing how or in what order you do things. NOTE: NO where did it say concentrating on keeping a spotlessly clean house. Hooray!!! Average-clean is good enough! :-)
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Reply to lcs
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Are you sure she is doing it on purpose?With dementia,personal hygiene can go out the window.Does she Actually live with you? If she is doing it on purpose,which seems odd.you need to tell her if it continues,she will have to go into a home,it's not right that you have to put up with it.
I think you need to discuss it with your husband too! he realy should know,and is this in your home?
But you shoulden't have to put up with it.
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Reply to jasmineanne
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Wow. This scenario would definitely spur me to place my loved one. I've actually had that discussion with her that if she becomes bowel incontinent - it will be the day we hire round the clock aides. If they can't take care of it, then it's time for some level of memory care / nursing home for me. I have a lot of patience with Mom, but I have a very weak stomach for such things (I don't have children.)

I sure hope you find a solution! You will be in my prayers.
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Reply to OneMoreDay
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Yelllowfever: I am glad to hear that you understand that a person with Alzheimer's is able to "appear" to be 'with it' one minute or vengeful another, but make no mistake, they are NOT responsible for their actions. Even if it appears as if they are doing things deliberately, they are not responsible for their actions.
ALWAYSLEARNING: you are so right about Yellofeever needing to speak to her husband. There is no reason for you to deal with this alone. We have 'partners' for a reason.

LUVMOM: you are very creative! That is what it takes to survive. Creativity! And Buck and Buck's clothing will help too.

Another possiblity though could be a UTI!! If the behavior is 'new' it could be because she has a UTI. (Urinary tract infection). Why not have a simple urine test done to rule it out.

So many good ideas here..... but we can easily forget, no pun intended, that with Alzheimer's ALL bets are off!!

God Bless
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Reply to MiaMadre
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