Mom is 82 with peripheral neuropathy, frequent fractures and falls. She moved to Florida 2 years ago as she felt the warm weather more comfortable. None of our family live there. I am single, not too well off financially, not retired and cannot afford to drop everything to go take of her. She used to live nearby until 2 years ago. I do not have a home equipped for the handicapped. She left her own comfortable affordable home to move 1,000 miles away.
My issue is she is very angry, feels abandoned and is in a lot of physical pain. She feels no one cares about her and says mean things when I call. I had asked her not to move so far away and told her I would not abandon my own well being to take care of her. She said not to worry about it.
I am trying to be supportive. She is my mother. There is really nothing I can do for her. When I call her on the phone she is very unhappy and distraught. I feel so bad, but I know there is nothing I can do for her. She is vey angry that she is disabled.
I know I am doing my best. I have 5 siblings who are also supportive of her. They also have personal economic problems to care of themselves and cannot drop what is going on on their own lives to care for her.
I advise any older person to stay near their family and be grateful for the life they have lived. I was extremely ill in my 40's. I took care of myself. I cannot mortgage my future to care for anyone, especially if they are 1,000 miles away.
I wish she had never moved away. But that would not have made her happy either. She simply seems very angry that she has become old and is not able to do things as independently as she was once accustomed to.
Nothing for me to do except be as supportive as possible. I will be old one day too. I have no kids, no husband, no property. I really don't expect anyone to take care of me but myself. While I empathize with my Mom, I am not in the position to "drop everything" to wait in her hand and foot.
There were other elderly members of my family who were not well. They got the household help they needed and I was as supportive as I could be. None of them expected me to forgo my own welfare to care for them. I helped them, supported them and comforted them. I was there for them in their final days. It is too much to ask a child to forsake their own welfare to be a handmaiden.
Again, advice to elders - stay near your children if you want companionship and help. It is too much to ask a child to uproot their own life and sacrifice their own economic future to take care of a far away parent. I really feel her expectations are unreasonable. But I cannot change the fact that she is so angry and hurt. She will not go to a counsellor and she is not religious. She is simply angry every single day, which I don't think I can do anything about.
Anybody else with this going on? Angry parent that is inconsolable?