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My mom (67), dad (74). I moved back in their home almost 2yrs ago to help out with as much as I can. I never became their legal caregiver. And at first, it seemed they were okay without one. As time progressd, they both became dependent on me for everything (driving, errands, housekeeping, etc. All except keeping up with their hygiene. Then, recently my dad became sick from a large open wound that became infected, and smelled like death. When he first burned himself with a cigarette, I begged him to get it checked out. He refused, and it got worse. Note; everytime I see something wrong with them, I beg them to either see their doc, and even let me call them myself. My dad was always getting upset with me about contacting his doc when he wouldn't. Until finally he told me to mind my business and forbid me to contact his doctors. Therefore, I've been stuck with no professional medical assistance; with stubborn, mean parents. Anyhow, he finally got really sick with that wound to the point I had to call 911 on him, because he refused to seek help. His claim is that he didn't want to be hospitalized. The wound was not going to heal itself. When the ambulance took him to the hospital, they're claiming elderly neglect. Contacted a social worker, now there's a pending investigation. I'm very happy this has happened, but my moms upset. She needs just as much professional assistance as he does, but doesn't want them snooping around the whole house. She's a hoarder, and I know for sure the social worker will have lots to say about her living area. My question is, has anyone gone through this before? If yes, will they search the whole house? Your comments will be appreciated. Thanks

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The whole house, and the reporting party!
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Yay you!!!
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Windyridge: Thanks for your input. I agree that my parents need professional assistance. Yes, I can stay in the home, and I'm able to manage the majority of the housekeeping. My concern is her room. She hoards everything, it's filthy, and hard for me to keep it even partially clean. Everytime I come back there, I'm always picking up something. She just won't let anyone throw anything away. So, I want APS to invade her space, so they can force her to accept outside help. I understand that this is beyond me. I will definitely be complying with the agency representative, because I've been praying for some help. Another thing, I have my own responsibilities, like work/school. I can't possibly take care of two sick, and disabled parents on my own. I've been trying to tell them they're being selfish, by expecting me to do everything, or going without. It's highly stressful, and hard to watch. So again, I'm happy and excited that APS is coming to help.
Babalou: No, your input wasn't harsh at all, and thanks!
Pastegma: Thank you. No, I haven't been taking any money from them. I protect them from anyone who tries. I just hope they can help my parents, as I will comply with whatever information they need. Thanks God for this breakthrough!
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Social Services will look at the whole house, even your room. They may decide, with the MD's input, that both parents need a higher level of care and move them to a nursing home. They can get a court order to move them, while you may not. Hoarding is one thing, filth is another. If mom's living area is filthy, they will seek to protect her as well. They also look at financial records. I hope for your sake you have not taken payment without a written care agreement in place or things can get ugly.
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We put oursrlves in danger, legal and otherwise, when we move in to "help out" with parents who won't accept help.

As I see it, you have two choices. You can keep listening to your mother as though she's a competent adult (her child is going to be charged with Elder abuse/neglect and she's worried about what the social worker is going to day about the state of her house!?!?) Or you can realize that you're the only one dealing with a full deck of cards in the house. When someone you are caring for does something that is going to result in their becoming more ill and won't accept help, you either leave or call 911 and have a medical professional hear the patient's refusal of care. That's how you cover yourself.

I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. I would admit straight up to the social worker that you are in over your head and that your parents need more care than you can provide, due to their lack of cooperation. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh.
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It sounds like your in a very tough situation. It seems like the appearance of the house to inspectors is the least of your problems. Your folks need to be out of there and in care. Can you stay in the house? Is it unsafe and a health hazard?
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