Hubby and I have been married for over 50 years and in that time I know it was his job that was his priority, never me or my issues with family responsibilities, neither his side nor mine. I have been able through therapy to deal with this up until now! I have to love and take care of a man who I really have little compassion for, let alone love. He lies, is sneaky, calls me b*tch, and shows very little gratitude for what both me and my son are trying to do for him. He never ever got involved with family issues or raising my son. It was all left to me to do everything while he stood on the sidelines. And now I am so resentful I find myself just not wanting to deal with him at all, escaping to my bedroom. I have even thought of taking my dog and running away.
My house which I used to be so proud of now has gates, locks, hiding places for my stuff which he cannot keep his hands off, losing kitchen utensils and having to replace them, ingratitude, and physical assaults on my son. I sometimes just want to throttle him because he has no concern whatsoever for anything or anybody. Given his lack of interest in anything but his job in the past has made me selfish, angry, resentful, and very capable of being without him. He has messed up our daily lives so much that knowing perhaps he cannot help matters, which I do not totally believe anymore, does not even matter anymore.
He has become someone I no longer want to deal with. Am I ashamed? Not really, I am human. I am very prone to chronic depression and am on antidepressants for the rest of my life. I have had to increase my intake of Xanax over the last month and my health is suffering because my conscience has been bothering me and I fear God will punish me although I believe he already is. He wants to do NOTHING but feed his face with anything in sight or he wants to lay down. He is totally capable of doing somethings to help himself but refuses to do so. He puts on a sad face and keeps answering I don’t know to just about every question we ask him and both me and my son no longer believe him. We have secretly observed him and have seen what he is capable of and we were shocked, surprised, and really, really angry! Believe me when I say he enjoys getting away with things but never ever admits to anything even when the evidence is still in his hands. We have become his fools!