Why is my husband diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's so angry all the time?

My husband has had ALZ for 8 yrs since he was 58. His cogntive and memory is about gone, along with his ability to form a sentence. The confusing part is he can clean dishes, walk around as good as anyone but he cannot be left alone. He is either funny or really angry. He has to have his way so my house now looks wierd because he brings in piles of rocks to put in a bowl on the coffee table. I cannot go anywhere in house or yard without him following me. I am unable to talk on the phone. The Dr did prescribe Trazadone twice a day which has helped because he was getting more physical when mad but not now.

I understand people with Alzheimers are angry and can become violent. I don't care why he is so mad, sick or not, I would never, ever allow it and if it was impossible to stop him in his behavior, I would have no choice but to place him where he is cared for. I could not and never will accept such behavior and have my life destroyed because of what someone is doing - just simply won't. And if he has the slightest idea of what is wrong, he may be mad at what is happening to him and lashing out as a result. Do NOT allow this.

He probably senses he is losing his independence as well, and it is frustrating the heck out of him. He is changing and he knows it, cannot control it. It is no picnic.
Sundowners is no fun either.. It happens, and my mom was on Aricept and Nemenda?. If Numenda is the name.. I don't know if it really "helped". I think it may have helped her mood swings a bit. It's been a long time, and my memory gets foggy.
I think I believed it was to slow the disease. Why prolong the disease? ALZ is bad..
I learned not to argue, it's not worth it. She stopped talking when I corrected her.
Play music that he likes.
Tell his doctor and his ALZ TEAM about his mood swings and behavior.
I would say, try to avoid his triggers, but ALZ is another monster, and anything at any moment can be a trigger to set off his anger. Unless you can offset it by something else..
Bad example, but it's the only thing I can think of.. when your dog is mis behaving, you say: SQUIRREL!! Huh? WHERE IS THE SQUIRREL, you dog is looking around trying to find it. now the dog is focused on something else..for the moment. diversion helps sometimes, not all the time.

To me the question answered itself. He is losing his normal cognitive abilities. Not easy for you but all part of this wretched disease. I don't think your husband intends to be this way.

Imho, he has every right to be angry that this happened to him - the disease of Alzheimer's. I will pray for him and that his anger eases. I suggest that you explore different medication choices for him since you've been caring for him for 5 years, e.g. he may need medication change out.

Anger is a phase one goes through in dementia. I think especially in men as they have to give up the things that define them as men. During this phase, my hubby was insufferable! I hid his guns and took his truck keys. Now he's accepting of his condition, talks about death a lot, and trusts his MD. I've been going through this for about 13 years now. He seems to have hit a leveling out in his mental state for two years now, and at least is gentler than before. This has helped me with stress, though I don't look forward to the slide downhill.
I've seen a number of people who have gone downhill mentally and emotionally. It's true, that when you get old you become just like yourself, only more so. Happy people get obnoxiously happier, grumpies get grumpier, chatty folks (my own Dad) get chattier (he would stop strangers on the street to tell his life story to). Thing to think about oneself ahead of time!

My heart goes out to you. I am dealing with the same thing, plus my 90 year old mother lives here. When he gets really frustrated, he will raise his hand as if to hit me. On reflex, I curl myself up and start to cry. For some reason, and I'm glad it happens, he almost immediately starts to comfort me and says he will never hurt me. I learned to talk softly and like I was talking to a little boy. That usually soothes him. I also learned early on to not argue. So, it isn't happening as much. I also told one of his brothers and sister-in-law who I'm very close to what was happening. Now I have someone to call if he ever really does harm me. I'm also reading THE 36 HOUR DAY. Get a copy and read it. I got mine on Ebay. It will really help you deal with all the things that will be coming up. I will be praying for you.

If your husband is a take charge type of guy, he may feel frustrated. He may be confused and realize that things are not going as he anticipated. He may feel a loss of control over his life. I would suggest a few counselling sessions with a geriatric psychiatrist. The psychiatrist can prescribe anti-anxiety agents if needed,

I had similar issues with my late husband, who died recently after a struggle with brain cancer. Anger was his way of responding to his illness - he knew (but wouldn't admit) that his life had changed irrevocably because he was dying. He couldn't do what he once had and it made him mad. I had to learn to go with the flow - as my daughter told me "That's not him talking, Mom - it's the tumor."

I agree about exploring medication with his doctor to help with his mood and agitation. My LO was diagnosed with dementia at age 62. It's really heartbreaking.

All the care you provide is amazing, but, I'd explore getting respite time, so you can recharge your own batteries. Providing constant care for someone with dementia is extremely stressful and draining. I'd learn of ways to ask for help.

I'd also evaluate the safety of him in the home. People who have dementia can behave in ways that are not like their normal self. I'd explore removing all weapons from the home, as well as sharp objects, knives, scissors, etc.

I'd devise a safety plan, even if you think you won't need it.

Ssometimes anger can also be that the disease (alzheimers) is spreading to different parts of the brain. Early onset..could mean that he's in the early stages. Anger is something I've noticed in almost EVERY STAGE of alzheimers (I work in an Assisted living facility). Forgetting stuff makes them angry because they know it, but can't remember it. I've noticed that things become very rough in a relationship when they start to get physical (they will once the disease progresses). I've been punched, slapped, kicked, bitten and etc. Medications can sometime help manage some of this and other symptoms as well.

JS, your profile says that you have been caring for your husband for 5 years now and that his medication is no longer working.

Have you talked to the prescribing doctor about his anger?

Have you contacted the Alzheimer's Association?

That is a great resource to help you understand what to expect on this journey.

I would also talk to his doctor about getting some calming meds on board.

This anger can become physical, no matter how lovely he was in the past, he can become a physical danger to you. Please keep your eyes open for the signs, like him physically lashing out in any way, even just slapping things down is a sign. My little lady grandmother took out 6 nurses in 1 fight and I am talking about black eyes, busted lips and such. They can't help it, but please be aware for your safety. From my personal experience, anger is all to common and it can be a long phase of this damnable disease.

I am so sorry for your family. It is a life cut short with no end in site.


Please remember that you matter in this situation and you may have to make decisions that you don't want to. Hopefully you guys talked about what he wants to see happen when he gets to a certain stage. We have a lovely poster that is in your husband's shoes and he said that he wants his family to place him at least 100 miles away and get on with the life he can't share in.

My heart hurts for you, I wish I could give you a real hug, a great big warm hug! And call his doctor and the Alzheimer's association today.🤗🤗🤗

I would be angry too.

He has every right to be angry.
You have every right to be angry as well.
That does not give him the right to be angry AT you
And you can not be angry AT him.
This is a life changing, relationship changing diagnosis.
You and he need to discuss what options you have. What steps you both will take. What he expects of you and you of him.
My Husband refused to talk about it so I had to blindly trust that I knew him well enough to make the decisions that he would have wanted.
I made many based on 1 thing. Safety.
If it was safe for him to him to remain at home with me caring for him (with caregivers) then he would stay at home.
If it was safe for me to care for him (with caregivers) then he would stay at home.
If I were to hurt him caring for him I never would have forgiven myself. And if he hurt me...who would care for both of us?
Safety is not just physical but mental/emotional.
There are support groups that might be helpful for both of you.
There are therapists that you could both talk to together and individually.

With any diagnosis there is a cycle
DENIAL, I am sure you and your husband suspected for a while something was just "not right"
ANGER, you are dealing with that now, this sometimes leads to aggression but not always. If this does happen you need to protect yourself.
DEPRESSION, there are medications that can help (for you as well not just him, you are both going through this)
ACCEPTANCE, probably the most difficult but the sooner you reach this life will be easier. (Not easy by any means but easy in the respect that you will understand the why's of things.)

A bit of advice from one that has traveled this road.......
Do the things you have wanted to do now if you can. Travel will become more difficult so enjoy what you can now.
Take joy in the little things.
Laugh when you can and even when you can't. A good laugh can make a hard time easier.
Cry when you can because a good cry, while it makes your nose run, your eyes puffy, gives you a headache, can relieve a lot of stress. Cure for runny nose, puffy eyes and a headache is a pint of good Ice Cream! NO bowl just a big spoon
Tell friends and relatives as soon as you are comfortable. Trust me they probably already suspect.
Accept help when it is offered, the offers will dwindle along with some friendships.
Ask for help when you need it. People want to help they just don't know what to do.

And lastly. If you have not consulted with an Elder Care Attorney the time to do so is NOW it is early and if he can communicate and make decisions best to do so sooner rather than later.

Oh my so young. Have you talked to his neurologist? There are meds to help with this. He is probably angry because he knows something is going on and can do nothing about it.