Well, I am. Since Mom’s decline, she can’t be left Mom alone in her home. She’s an extreme fall risk and with her deep dementia she’s not capable of acting properly, and she has a host of other issues. I used to go to the store about twice weekly, now I have to wait until a sibling or niece shows up, which is unreliable.
My relationship with my sisters has deteriorated, though Sister 2 has lately started to be considerate. They act like I’m not in the room and that I’m an indentured servant. (When I asked Niece, who’s here once a week and gets paid to sit with Mom—though she sleeps through the majority of her time—I asked Niece is she’d vacuum and dust to help me out. When Sisters found out they blew a gasket. “She’s not here for you,” Sister 1 stated.)
Very long story short: both sisters are those “ready, fire, aim” people. They look for things to be outraged over. Sister 1 yammers onandonandonandonandon while spinning things to her perspective. She constantly hounds me nothing is more important than Mom, yet last week she came to spend the day/night with Mom and I looked forward to some time off. She acted like I wasn’t in the room and, after showing our diabetic mother two packages of sugar cookies she bought, sat with her back to me.
Yesterday I grabbed an opportunity to schedule Mom for a steroid shot in the neck for her really bad neck and back arthritis. I texted Sister 1 about it. A bit ago, she called upset that this was a bad idea, that Mom can’t handle the trip. Uh, it's five minutes away, and I'll be exhausted before Mom will. Then she raved about a reaction from the steroid with new medicine that she started a couple weeks ago (something to help her sleep but it’s not necessarily working). Fine. I said I’d call the doctor’s office and the pharmacy to find out. If there’s a reaction I’ll cancel the appointment. That sent her raving further and repeating everything she’d said.
She is to come this Saturday to take Mom till Monday so I could have a break. She said if I take Mom to the doc’s tomorrow she was not coming to take Mom to her home this weekend. “I’m not going to put up with her in case there’s a reaction.” (The doc’s office and the pharmacist said there was no reaction between the shot and any of Mom’s meds.)
I’m sick of this. I arrived here 11 months ago already burned out when I left my closed business and home in another state that the bulk of my pension pays for with almost enough for my expenses, and got my divorce papers after 20 years the first week I got here. I have no one to talk to. I take no money from Mom and I am POA for everything. Sister 1 is Mom’s executor but she said she can’t handle it, so I’ll be that too. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in a very long time. When is being treated like this enough?
Thanks to this site, I’ve learned it’s common for non-caregivers to turn on the caregivers. When my siblings and I had a massive blowup a few months ago, they said they had a plan to care for Mom and I could just go home. Frankly, I see no plan working as Sister 1 lives 30 minutes away in the country and farms and ranches; Sister 2 has an extremely time-consuming job and is on call and gets called out often and is always exhausted; Niece has extreme issues of her own and cannot be counted on to properly care for Mom.
I don’t know how much longer Mom’ll last with her host of issues. Her doc didn't think she would "be with us" in six months. She could go next week or years from now. I'd feel terribly guilty if I left and she passes in a few months. If I had a crystal ball...
Thanks for letting me vent. Everyone here has helped me get this far. Has anyone else got this point of seriously considering leaving? Did you leave or did you find a way to keep going?
Maybe it's time for another meltdown. I usually feel better afterwards.