Primary caregiver for declining mom and just finished caring for aging aunt. How can I get siblings to step up?

Follow
Share

Hospital infected mom and she is now needing 24 hour care. I had breast cancer last year and ovarian cancer this year. I work full time but can't seem to get my older (retired) siblings to help. I believe five straight years of chronic stress and caregiver burnout probably contributed to my health issues. This hamster needs to get off the wheel but can't seem to find where to start. How can I get siblings to step up?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
6

Answers

Show:
Thanks for all of the wonderful suggestions. Obviously, I asked for help from my siblings and was met my excuses. I have "help" so I can work but not the quality one would expect. Since the cell phone seems to be the primary focus of the caregivers that are sent. Can't keep asking for new ones since the change agitates mom. I guess I was hoping for some words or ideas since I have been missing some of her appts. and have let go of all but the basic chores now. I believe accepting that I can't get blood from a stone is correct. Breaks my heart but it is what it is. Thanks to all for the well wishes regarding the health issues.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Have you come right out and asked your siblings to help?

When I was caring for my dad it was just me and my brother and he and I were very close. My dad lived with me and I did all the caregiving. I thought my brother should be doing more but he wasn't and I was beginning to get resentful.

When things reached a point with my dad where I was out of my mind from stress and strain I called my brother in tears and during the conversation asked him to please help me. He was more than happy to help! He figured that since I never asked for his help he assumed I didn't need it. And I assumed that since he never offered to help help he was unwilling to. We were both so wrong! From that moment on I took care of everything health/medical and my brother took over money/finances. We became a great team. And today, 4 years after the death of our dad, we're closer than ever.

Ask your siblings to help. Be specific with what you need help with. "Brother, mom has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, can you take her?" or "Sister, I have an appointment on Monday. Can you come over and stay with mom while I'm gone?"

Good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

So if you're working full-time, your mother is being cared for at home by professional caregivers, is she? And you just want your siblings to take more of an interest?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Dear orphanA,

I can sympathize with you, my friend. It is hard to get siblings to step up. For whatever reason it feels like everyone just wants to step away and let the one sibling take it all on. Like SnoopyLove said I don't think your siblings will have a change of heart. I think its better to talk to a social worker and look at other options.

I too tried to do it all on my own with my dad after his stroke till his passing. It was a mistake. I felt so much anger and resentment towards my siblings. I should have known better than to try and get blood from a stone. I should have hired outside help or considered assisted living instead. Everything is 20/20 in hindsight.

Sending you my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can focus on your own health and well being. Thinking of you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Orphan, so sorry to hear about your health problems. Stop trying to get blood out of a stone (your siblings) and get your mom the care you both need her to have. I hope 2018 is a year of healing and happiness for you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

You need to get mom to a nice rehab facility so that YOU can your health back.

Forget your siblings. Mom needs professional care.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.