What does mum truly want?

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Uplifting Asked June 2019

What does mum truly want?

Moral dilemma:
What advice can you all give me?
1. Asking mum directly do you want to continue not eating/small sips of tea only and go from this life
2. If she had a "me" there (am her former full time caregiver) that truly cares to help her come around, 110% effort would mum want to live?
3. Battle with the Wolves (siblings) to get mums gp to make unannounced visit and true assessment in order to save her even though I will go through the mill with siblings...again...
I would be grateful to hear from anyone here that has gone through this thanks

Care Decisions Family Caregiver Mom

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score 0 · Answer 1

I just read your reply to Ahmijoy, so I'm deleting - never mind.

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score 0 · Answer 2

Thanks for answering CWillie, the moral dilemma is that my sibling isn't going the extra mile ie giving her appetizing foods/fat inducing cakes (dietitians advice), lityle and often, just giving the caregiver the same things as usual which she's not eating, my friend who's a nurse saw her today and was shocked at her deterioration and told me at the rate she's going she will be lucky to last through next winter...

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score 0 · Answer 3

You don’t say here or in your profile how old your mother is or what her health issues are. However, if in her mind she is “done” with this life, for whatever reason, you cannot force heroic measures on her. If you ask her if she wants to continue not eating, you might get an answer you obviously don’t want.

She is in a facility? Or living with one of your siblings? I’m wondering if your siblings are seeing something you are not—that Mom is ready to go. Or, are you saying they are denying her medical care? A doctor visit might not be a bad idea. She may express her wishes to her doctor,wishes she might not want to share with you. And it might do you good to speak with her doctor as well.

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Thanks for replying Ahmijoy, mum is 83, swings from mild to mid stage dementia/copd, she is now living with a sibling as a result of no sibling support our health nurse who is wonderful, organised emergency respite for me (24/7 care/working part time/no time off for 2yrs/fell and broke my ribs due to exhaustion etc), got hugh backlash from siblings on my respite, continued on caregiving, then burnt out, health nurse had mum admitted to hospital for tests, to force siblings to do something..anything...to care for mum, one sibling agreed to "take" mum for 3 months till I get over what's wrong with me and I'll have her back for christmas, this is the sibling not going the extra mile to get her appetite stimulated, so Im worried

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score 2 · Answer 4

When my mom was living with me - several years before she died - she lost her appetite and the ability to feed herself. It would have been simple at that time to just stop feeding her, but I think that as a caregiver our moral responsibility is to provide appetizing food and water and to help them eat and drink if they are unable to do so... they will always have the option to refuse.

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What does mum truly want?

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