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Jessy2you Asked January 2018

My grandma won't help me financially and I am stuck. I gave up everything for her. What do I do?

She can't get services and she is well off. Let's just say she has money and I am suffering. I lived with my 100 yr. old grandma for 7 yrs and now she can't be left alone. I am also struggling to take care of my son. What do I do? I can't pay my bills and going in debt. I am the only one out of 6 grandchildren who takes care of her, no one visits or talks to her. 7 yrs ago, my mom asked me to take care of her, I dropped out of college, rerouted my son's school, and moved 500 miles away from my immediate family. I kept my promise to my mom even though she passed from cancer 3 yrs ago. A month ago, I lost my dad and I couldn't be with him, because I was taking care of my grandma. I am getting depressed because of this. My grandma's 89 yr old brother is her POA and pays her bills. I approached him about it and he tells me she doesn't have the finances, but I believe that to be untrue. I know what my grandma has and in no way am I using her for financial gains. In no way the amount I desperately need per months breaks her piggy bank. What do I do? I can't even work because I can't leave her alone. Just recently I helped her recover $ 6,300 in assets and thought she would be able to help me and she says no!!! That was my mom's money. I can't take it anymore!!!

BarbBrooklyn Jan 2018
Get a job and move out. You are being used.

Grandma needs care. Grandma should be paying for that care. She doesn't have to because you are there.

freqflyer Jan 2018
Jessy, give notice to your Grandmother's son, who is the Power of Attorney, that you will be leaving on February 28th and moving back home, and that he will need to find a new caregiver for his mother. Just tell him it is not working out, and be firm about it.

It is totally unfair that you need to forfeit your own financial security for someone who HAS a financial security.

Even if your Uncle offers you pay, it won't be the same as getting pay from having a good job where you get money put into Social Security and into Medicare, plus paid sick days, possible a company 401(k) for savings, and most important paid health insurance. After 7 years, it is time for someone else to take the baton.

I know there will be a lot of grumbling, possible rows and snits. Ignore it, stick to your plan and start looking for some place new, even a cousin or friend who can take you in until you find employment and save enough to pay for an apartment.

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CarlaCB Jan 2018
First of all, you don't need to phrase it as her "helping" you. She should be "compensating" you (or someone) for providing the care she needs. Since her brother is her POA, he is responsible for paying for help for her out of her funds. He knows she can't live alone. He needs to figure out what her options are and find help that she can afford. It shouldn't be left to you to work for free when you need an income to support your son and your self. Whether you move out or not, you need to find a paying job and let grandma's POA figure out how to get care for her while you're working.

CarlaCB Jan 2018
get a paying job and let grandma pay for care? Why is that not your first choice

anonymous439773 Jan 2018
Grandma and her POA need to pay you or make arrangements to pay a caregiver. Give them a date to start paying you and the wage you want. If they will not agree to this, get a job and leave Grandma. You are under obligation to take care of your grandmother. You are being used by this woman.

gladimhere Jan 2018
Would your mother really want you to give up your life and future security to care for grandma? I sure would not want my children to do that for me! That is my job to make sure my future is secure and I am taken care of some other way than my family.

You need to be working legitimately to save for your own retirement. That can be done with grandma with a care agreement and her as employer. You would need an elder law attorney to draft the agreement which should be grandma's expense. You would also need representation to review an offer should one come.

You first priority is to take care of you! Spoken by a daughter that cared for her mother for four years before I changed things and realised I need to protect myself.

jeannegibbs Jan 2018
Being Holy is sure working out good for grandmother and her son, isn't it? Not so much for you, though.

Get paid, or leave! It really is that simple. Maybe you haven't seen that yourself because you've been encouraged to do the "Godly" thing. That sure turns out to be convenient for grandmother, doesn't it?

Countrymouse Jan 2018
it is difficult to negotiate with an 89 year old POA, but that is where you need to start. You need him and your grandmother in the same room, so that you can agree with them together what help grandma needs every day and how many hours it takes to provide it. The choice is then a fairly simple one. They can a) pay you for those hours, or b) pay somebody else.

To assist them in their choice, you might also like to get together some leaflets or webpages from agencies in your area, including prices. Then uncle can see which option is more affordable, too.

I hope he's not in for too much of a shock.

notrydoyoda Jan 2018
They sound like selfish religious people to me and not loving holy people. You have been used. You have a child to take care of which takes priority over grandma.

pamzimmrrt Jan 2018
BTW,, Gma telling you that you will get the house is dust in the wind unless you see it in writing, like her will. I suspect her son may have something to say about that when the time comes... If he is not willing to assist his mom now by paying you,, bets on he will keep the house...

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