My grandma won't help me financially and I am stuck. I gave up everything for her. What do I do?

Go to the Dept of Human Services. Talk with an intake specialist. Explain in detail that you are not being paid, that you don't have child support, that you do not get food money and are not provided meals and that you want to get low income housing. They will take your application. However, if you are receiving child support, eating your grandmother's food, etc. They will ask you hard questions about how and why you got in this situation. Was your mother ill at the time she asked you to take care of your grandmother. Did you ask what money you were going to be given? Who paid for you to move 500 miles.

I tried to get help finding a place also, but you have to be on the verge of being homeless, or homeless, or a letter indicating your being evicted. I will try that organization you are talking about.

I tried the Snap for food, but I didn't qualify because of household income, which I had to put her income per month

Why is your child's father not supporting his son? Go to the Dept of Human Services. Apply for TANF. They will either give you cash assistance or they will investigate your son's father and get you the child support that you need. Also, apply for SNAP benefits. Explain in detail what your grandmother has done regarding not paying you for caregiving and providing you food. Who does the cooking? If, meals are being prepared, why are you and your son not being allowed to eat? Another resource for you might be the St. Vincent de Paul Society. They have offices in many locations. They accept used cars as donations and have them repaired and reconditioned for persons in need or who are trying to get back into the work force. There are many resources available for someone in the situation as you have explained. But you have to apply for these programs and put forth effort to get the assistance.

I honestly would never steal from my grandma, because I know it's not right, but I know whole heartily know she doesn't trust me and I never gave her that impression ever. When I hear them talk about finances my grandma talks in a low voice and hides everything.

Grandma will sometimes give me 50 dollars every other week for food. It's hard to create a food budget on that amount trust me. She says I can't keep doing this, I ain't got the money. Grandma's brother comes twice a week for a short time. Once a month, he gives her $400.00 cash for whatever. When I told her brother, he said I gave your grandmother the money, your going to have to go through her not me. When I explain I need money, the only way he will take money out of the bank, is if he hears her say YES. Many of times I pleaded with her and she says NO. He says there is nothing I can do, it's not his checking account and pray about it!!!!

Yes, I do know people who see the world through this kind of alternate reality lens but I'm not one of them, that's why I used the word twisted. I certainly meant the statement to be sarcastic, not a condemnation of Jessy.

Just curious..who does the grocery shopping and where does that money come from? Are you not allowed to eat that food? How do they expect you to buy your own food with no money?
Someone must have GM's credit card for household purchases.
So they trust you with all of GM's care but have not provided you with a credit card? More proof that you are being exploited.

CW, I can see how GM and GU could twist it around to thinking that themselves; Jessy does not need to agree with their thinking. We've reframed "unwed mother" and putting "illegitimate" on birth certificates (in my lifetime) to "single mom". Lots of people do that successfully. It's not easy. But it's doable.

I'm only talking about the tax rules, ff. I'm not suggesting that the support provided by gma is adequate for Jessy and her son. I'm only saying gma's supplying all the support there is, and that entitles her to the exemptions, under IRS rules.

Carla, in one post Jessy had mentioned that she herself doesn't have enough money for food, and needs to go to the food bank. That right there was a huge red flag.

I agree with everything Midkid said, EXCEPT the tax advice. There's nothing legally wrong with gma claiming Jessy and her son as dependents. In fact, the fact that Jessy isn't paid is what makes it legal. Gma pays all the costs of the household. Nobody else has any income. That makes it legal.

Now if gma agreed to pay Jessy a living wage on the condition that Jessy would pay 2/3 of the household expense for herself and her son, then she could claim herself and her son and gma could not claim either one of them. And Jessy would then be eligible for the child tax credit (depending on Isaac's age), and the earned income credit, as well as both her and her son's exemptions. But as long as gma is paying all the household expenses (and Jessy isn't working for pay anywhere else), gma's entitled to all the exemptions.

Well, I consider my self to be very religious, but I sure don't hide behind it to force others to do my bidding. That's called manipulation! Don't care how many rosaries GU says a day, does he do "boots on the ground" care? Christ said "If ye have done it unto the least of them, ye have done it unto me". Praying and pontificating how YOU should live your life doesn't sit well--Actually DOING something to help, like PAYING you would go a lot further to help you.
You're doing a TON more service and good by caring for GM than by going to church everyday. IMHO.

You can, and should be self-reliant. I would try to get reimbursed for back wages, and possibly pull the "Gma shouldn't have been taking us as dependents all these years" as a tiny threat that you could have her reported to the IRS for fraud.

I know you don't want to do that--but sometimes you have to rattle the branches of a tree.

You need to take care of you and your son. POA GU can handle grandma. Do what others have suggested and pick a move out date and go. Even if it's a tiny gov't subsidized apartment, you can get back your life!!

Extreme religiosity is the hallmark of several mental disorders.

People with personality disorders like narcissism have been known to hide behind a mask of religious works righteousness as a means of being their controlling selves.

jeannegibbs, Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, cwillie, I really can't see how anyone could twist this around into GM and GU being godly and charitable. I really can't. Unless they are selfish, manipulative, and either evil or very misguided.

I don't care how many times a day they say the rosary, they are exploiting this grandchild.

I know many religious people who are kind, charitable, and who at least try to practice what they preach. Those who do not make me sick.

Sincerely, Thank you all for your support and advice. I am a great and loving person. I love my son Isaac and starting this moment, I am going to begin loving myself first. I am going to start to figure out how to free myself from this situation, this place I put us in. Please keep me and my son in your prayers. Goodnite

I can't imagine why your mother asked you to drop out of college and move 500 miles to help your grandmother. At the very least she should have made sure that you were going to be compensated and fed. I can't imagine a mother asking her child to ruin their future.

Consider that perhaps the 6 sisters realized the dysfunction and moved on.

It's a long story, but yes I have 6 sisters that I erased from my life. After my mom passed, I helped my dad with everything and my sisters wouldn't do anything at all to help.

Please keep in touch with your new plans, Jessy! You have a lot of new friends pulling for you. {hug}

Grandma can't really claim you as a dependent if she does not provide for 50% of your support because she's not supporting you which means it is a false claim.

I assume that your son's father does not send child support? Do you have friends from college that you could connect with again? Do you have any siblings? Are you good friends with any of your cousins?

I think the priest of your grandmother's church should be informed of what is going on and that you need his help in finding somewhere to live, at least temporarily while you look for a job.

Do you have a car?

Jessy, sorry for the bad tax advice, thanks Carla.....but Grandma should not be claiming you if you are not getting enough food or spending money.

I have no body here in Long Island!!!! I lost my best friend, my world, my dad a month ago. I used to talk to him on a daily basis about things. Now my phone don't ring!

I agree with everything Mincemeat said, EXCEPT that you cannot get the earned income credit if you have no earned income. And Earned Income Credit is one of the foremost triggers for IRS audits because so many people try to inflate/deflate income to qualify for it. Tax preparers need to exercise an enhanced level of due diligence, and keep records of it, when preparing returns claiming earned income credit. So there's no fudging it (I'm not assuming you would do that, just saying...).

Here's a possible new priority list.

Ask God for wisdom, strength and open doors of opportunity as you seek for now at least a temporary place to live, raise your son, find a job and at some point return to college while great uncle tends to his responsibility concerning your grandmother. Not your party, not your problem. If they don't like it, then they can build a bridge and get over it. Anyway, I would take no prisoners and get out of there as soon as realistically possible! I wish and pray the best for you and your son.

Just for sheer entertainment, find out who the attorney is that did the will and POA, go by and see them. Tell them you are wishing to file a lein on the house for 7 years of caregiving wages for $350,000.00. Watch the eyes grow large....

Seriously, without a care giver agreement, you have no legal ground to stand on. I feel so, so bad for you.....and the truth is that people that age are so stingy.

Do you have a friend or cousin your own age that could let you stay with them a couple of months until you find a job? What part of the world do you live in. In most places, there are decent jobs to be had. Get on the waiting list for low income housing, see human services and sign up for CHP insurance for your son. Get on Food assistance until you find work. File your OWN taxes ASAP for You and YOUR Son for the year 2017, since you were given NO income from Gramma or the evil uncle. Run to a tax place and you should get enough earned income credit to have a little rent money for a very short time until you find work....GOODNESS sake, you could probably walk into any nursing home in the US and find work as an aid or attendant, doing what you are doing now for at least $11 an hour, and have a job by next week.

I wish you all the best. Do this for your son...and you....do not put it off.

Jessy, you interrupted you college courses to be a live in caregiver for you Grandmother, but aren't being financially compensated, and that needs to stop, as it's not fair to you and your Son!

Give them notice as suggested, and go to the local college to see what sort of programs they have for Displaced homemakers. You may well be able to go back to school, plus have financial aid services for you and you son, including scholarships and housing if necessary! You may be able to stay in and live with you Grandmother, and continue your relationship, depending on how they receive the news, but you deserve a bright future! Make yourself happy and your Son Proud, Go after it Girl!

gladimhere, you say 'Would your mother really want you to give up your life and future security to care for grandma? I sure would not want my children to do that for me! That is my job to make sure my future is secure and I am taken care of some other way than my family.'

The situation can become quite skewed when you are the one needing the care. Of course, parents might not necessarily set out to take advantage of their children or grandchildren but they DO have the expectation that they are to be taken care of, without further regard for the sacrifice. My sister similarly has completely sacrificed several years of her life that she will never get back but unfortunately through guilt / not being able to say 'no', she is in that situation. Your GM and her POA may not see the situation with as much clarity as jessy2you has communicated to us.

I agree that jessy2you, you are being taken advantage of. You have your future and that of your son to think about. Your GM seems to have the means to pay for her care, and even if she doesn't, it is HER responsibility (and all of ours) to assure we plan well for the time that we cannot care for ourselves.

I see nothing 'holy' of their behavior, but rather you have selflessly given of yourself for her. I wish you peace and further clarity moving forward. Please keep us posted. I am amazed at the number of responses in this short period of time from this great group.

BTW,, Gma telling you that you will get the house is dust in the wind unless you see it in writing, like her will. I suspect her son may have something to say about that when the time comes... If he is not willing to assist his mom now by paying you,, bets on he will keep the house...