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Lorettaforever Asked May 2014

What do you do when a sibling seems to sabotage and undo what was put in place for the best interest of the parent?

Parent wanted a new bed, complained of aches and pains. Wanted a single bed. The bed was purchased after being taken to the store to try out different beds. She loved it for 2 weeks and then another sibling convinced her that it was not a good idea, so now the parent wants her old bed back.

Whitney May 2014
One of my sisters was extremely upset last summer when my folks bought some new patio furniture (somewhat expensive, but they could easily afford it). She even said that she may call the company where they bought it, and sue them for taking advantage of elderly people. I believe the motive behind my sister being upset, was that it would be less money that she would inherit. In other words, she doesn't want my folks spending money on themselves and having something that will make them happy. In addition, she never will help with caregiving, and she's been asked many times, but she's "too busy".

Eyerishlass May 2014
Why would a sibling/adult child care if her mom has a new bed?!

Having a talk with the sibling may be in order. Let her know that mom is very suggestible (as most elderly people are) and it's better for mom is everyone is supportive and encouraging.

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sunflo2 May 2014
This can be common with dementia --buyers remorse and second guessing their decision...especially if one sibling is convincing them to go ahead and purchase, "you'll feel better mom, isn't that better?, etc". It's happened to me soooo many times with my mom. Old broken refrigerator, ordered new one. Delivered. 30 days later, 3yrs later for that matter, mom complains she hates it and wants her old one back. She wants the old broken one moved from garage back upstairs...

She had to replace 40 yr old garbage disposal. We had that done. Now she calls the plumber 1 yr later and says to bring her old one back. She calls him every month or so. No convincing her she can't have it back.

If anyone says " did you really need that new bed?" --parent will second guess themselves especially if they are already worried about their money or rarely spend on themselves.

Nothing you can do about it but discuss with sib and explain that parent needed it and would they please not comment negatively to parent because the parent is anxious over every little thing and "don't you want mom to be happy and comfortable in their last years?" Mom didn't ask if you needed that new TV or that new Phone?"

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