How much responsibility for a parent's life? - AgingCare.com

How much responsibility for a parent's life?

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There are varying opinions on this topic, but in general, although I will help my Mother, she has almost always never helped herself and expected so much, too much out of my now gone Dad, and now expects it out of me, as simple as a sandwich. Well, she can walk, talk, get around great, at 82, so make your own sandwich!! She initially got irritated with me for serving my husband a simple dinner one night and said he has two legs and two arms. Now she just waits for her food She even has her own tray, fault of mine and my husbands, but hey for safety and cleanliness we chose path. My point is it is not my responsibility for her happiness and I'm very tired of it and I'm going to do the best it takes for her healthcare and well being but I'm not going to listen to admonishment and criticism and when she gets that way, I'm going to my room for a little while. I owe her nothing but great care in terms of a healthy life. To say that you owe your parents happiness is ridiculousness.

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In my experience, I hear my sisters and aunt fuel my mom's negative comments with their own. I suggest to them to ignore the comments or answer quickly and move on. This works for me with my mom who can get sassy sometimes. It doesn't help when a negative comment is met with more negativity; the back and forth banter isn't necessary. My sister has asked me why these things don't bother me. I can only say the comments are not important and I won't add fuel to the fire. Most people don't continue with their insults/negative comments if they don't have an audience. I employ this with all people-- not just my mom. My mom is 93 and has her moments but she is very kind and vivacious mostly and always ready to go.
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I enjoyed reading your post, especially about the comment "I'll die on your watch"! I get the "feel sorry me" speeches, the whoah is me because I cannot see, hear or move around, yet she can do all three. I did ask about assisted living and the steadfastly disapproved. She is also a smoker, which as a result no Assisted Living would allow her to do that, understandably so. I don't think the full moon got to me, rather I'm just fed up with the entire setup and as a result have high anxiety and am totally depressed.
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Happiness is a choice and thus you can't make another person happy. Why isn't your mother living in assisted living since she gets around great? It is not right for her to expect you to fill the gap left by your dad.
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