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Kelly: if your father worked in the restaurant business why not have him watch the FOOD CHANNEL and make a list of his favorite recipes, then gather up his favorite recipes and help him make them into a BOOK he can publish!! He may find a new purpose and you will have an amazing memento for the whole family! Also, have him 'inventory your pantry' and make a list of everything in there! When it comes to food, you can also get some catalogs for 'kitchen utensils' and have him tear out pages of utensils he used in his restaurant. p.s. If it isn't Alzheimer's, there has to be some deficiency if his memory is affected. Please make sure that he is checked out by a geriatric doctor. (It took years to get Mom properly diagnosed)
Some of my most prized possession are the last few crochet attempts my mother did, and pieces of yarn and fabric that she was meticulously folding. Her needlewoork attempts were very 'creative' but they are now priceless to me!!
As we can see, the activities that keep them HAPPY are ones that pertain to something in their life. Something related to a hobby or profession seems to work quite nicely. Senior centers are great but be sure that the 'bus' they get on is ONLY for the center, so they don't end up lost. Be sure that the 'center' calls you to let you know that Mom/Dad got there safely, and when they leave have them call too! One can't be too careful!
OH... another thought. Please don't correct them, or critic the end results, unless it is positive reinforcement. Early into Mom's diagnosis I would try to 'help' her do it right, when in fact the only interest should be in having them DO the project. I was always careful to only have SAFE tools for Mom to use, and even crocheting had to be watched carefully, so the hook wouldn't be used as an 'ear cleaner'! (Yikes)
And don't offer too many things at once, I used baskets and bins to keep 'tasks' in, and I would cycle through projects to see what was her interest of the day. Even a simple puzzle can do double duty, if you flip it over and NUMBER the pieces. Mom was a math genius, and she was able to put the 'numbers' together easier than pictures sometimes.
I also used these same ideas for projects at the nursing home when Mom was there. I would bring my bins with me, just start something, and some cookies and a pot of tea later, the other butterflies (ladies) would gravitate over to our table to see what we were doing. I never felt more useful! And Mom got used to the other ladies there, and they to her!
Also... a comfy apron for Mom (or Dad) to wear will keep them from hiding things from a craft project. Mom would squirrel away parts of puzzles, and wood beads, etc in her room, but once we used the apron, she would put all the 'pieces' in her apron, which we monogramed with HER name, and left near the craft area.
Never try to force them to do anything. ASK for their help, tell them you need help getting this done, or offer some 'monetary incentive' to get this done. "The school will pay us $X.XX to get these wood pieces painted." Or the "Church is having a bake sale, and needs........ "
Use positive reinforcement, and if they lose interest, or are not interested at all... don't let it get to you. I can remember telling my mother when I was young, that "I don't have a THING to do..... there's NOTHING to do around here.... I'm bored" So I was understanding of her lack of interest. UNTIL I found something she really wanted to do, then she would stay busy for hours, sorting through buttons, or looking at pattern books, or sorting 'sewing notions'.
Seeing my mother involved in anything made my day much easier, and I hope these suggestions will help someone else too!
I will be looking for Zoom's response and update on how Mom is doing with her!! ZOOM?
Give your mom a card with your phone number on it, so she can call you if she is lost.
Alert the local police and give them a photo of her, or contact any local store she would likely go to if she found a way out of your home.
Install alarms that will set off if she's leaving the house, or use childproof devices to prevent her from opening an outside door.
While you are with her, constantly reassure her where she is and that everything is fine.
Find ways to get her to exercise or take her for walks. There are even exercises she can do while sitting in a chair.
Give your mom simple tasks to do during the day. If she loves folding clothes, bring out the towels every day to give her something to do.
Reduce water intake several hours before bedtime, so she won't need to get up to urinate in the middle of the night risking a fall or inducing wandering.
Get her involved in adult day care to keep her active during the day and more likely to sleep at night and reduce the need to wander.
Don't lock Mom in a room or tie her in bed thinking that you're trying to keep her from hurting herself--she will, anyway. Besides, restraining her in this fashion is psychologically abusive.
Observe what she does before she begins to wander, and see if you can identify a pattern. Look for the cause and make the changes accordingly.
Good luck with this process-and hope these suggestions are of help.
Hap
Do a google search for OPERA GLOVES
Many years ago I had to come up with all kinds of activities to keep my sanity intact and my kindergarten students from acting up. Their attention span was about 5 minutes, so I had activities such as story time, collages, coloring, Legos, and some 50-piece puzzles that helped them "build community" by developing their social skills.
Since your Mom "wants to go home," how about 500- or 1,000-piece puzzles with cottages/houses on them? She just might become a willing prisoner and stay in her room for hours at a time.
... And yes my dear, you are restricting her movements to keep her safe. But she doesn't see it that way. If she can't escape, she'll throw tantrums and make your life a living hell. You might attribute her behavior to dementia, but I don't think it's that deep. ... For now.
Hasta luego, y buena suerte.
-- ED
-- ED
I would be happy to shorten anyone's learning curve when it comes to Alzheimer's. It would be so much easier if there was a CHAT FUNCTION on this website, so those of us that have the experience could share it REAL TIME. Your post is three days old, and I am just now seeing it.
BUT.... hopefully the suggestions I make below will get you started.
Now about keeping her busy. What did she like to do in her 'past? Find something SAFE that she can keep busy with, even counting and wrapping Coins helped here. Mom was VERY frugal, and would save pennies for a rainy day. Also... laundry...folding towels, helping with dinner, recipe searches in books, watching the cooking channel for ideas for dinner. Writing letters to ANYONE .... reading old magazine, and searching for recipes in them. Shopping lists, cleaning out a closet, folding old clothes for charity.
I have hundreds of ideas, and there are books devoted to this very subject too.
The first thing to do is to talk to her doctor. If she doesn't have one, get a geriatric one that is familiar with Alzheimer's. Have her tested for a UTI (urinary tract infection). One of the most common reasons for 'odd behavior' is a UTI. If she has a UTI have a culture done. There are ways to keep UTI's at bay without the use of antibiotics, D-Mannose for one, Proper hygiene will help and proper 'emptying of the bladder too,
Althought MEDS are used all the time for beligerent behavior, or 'the 'wanting to go home' it is better to try to help her naturally first.
After all, if we were removed from our homes, sent to live with someone else (perhaps someone that we don't really recognize anymore) we would be confused, lost and "want to go home too"! Alzheimer's makes it really a lot worse.
I don't know the circumstances that prompted your Mom to come and live with you, but I remember all too well that when my mother, with whom I always had a close relationship came to live with me, the relationship was MUCH different. I was the big bad wolf, and she was the lost little lamb. It was VERY difficult for me to accept until I learned more about Alzheimer's and stop taking ANYTHING personally.
There are several books that I can recommend that really helped me, and of course the resources on this site and the www.alz.org website have volumes of articles that are helpful.
Book: Learning to Speak Alzheimer's: A Groundbreaking Approach for Everyone Dealing with the Disease by Joanne Koenig Coste and Robert Butler
Book: The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss in Later Life, 4th Edition by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins (
BOOK: A Caregiver's Guide to Alzheimer's Disease: 300 Tips for Making Life Easier by Patricia R. Callone
BOOK: The complete Guide to Alzheimer's proofing your Home. Mark L. Warner
With regards to her wanting to go home.. AGREE with her... tell her a therapeutic lie that may appease her for a while. Let her know that we can 'go back home' after they fix the street, or remove the tree from the road, or when the weather clears, or TOMORROW... or that when we get the 'letter from her ......" or "when..... well you get the message.
How would I go about getting her involved in this?
Thanks for replying.