We are both 79 years old. She suffers from a hearing problem. She is disabled with arthritis. Can not walk unaided. Type A personality. She has been the leader in our household and marriage. She is the family financier. When she is doing good, she is very good, but when she starts to get confused she gets really angry and says that I am trying to control her, and there starts the disagreements. Unfortunately I sometimes have a short fuse temper, and am trying very had to understand her condition and hold my self back. Additionally she is a very private person, and I believe I will have one heck of a hard time getting her to the doctor for a formal diagnosis. Thanks for listening and wish me luck. Will post again as we progress. Glad I found this site.

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someone said on another post. that to get someone to dr. - to tell them they haven't been in a long time. and to tell them they might loose their medi-care benefit if they didn't go. while that may not work with your wife... try saying a yearly physical for 'only blood work' would be so easy to accomplish. once there for blood work - doctor can take over the situation. I hate going to doctor too. haven't been for so long. I know that isn't smart. but once im say, the dentist. I see its not so bad as I have dreamed-up in my head.

I think having to deal with your wife will be a learning curve. it can be overwhelming, but you sound like a loving person and your wife is lucky she has you.

when she gets frustrated remind her how she is doing a good job and has always done a good job. praise her and she may end up relaxing a bit and not get so angry.

Being hard of hearing can cause frustration. Missing one word can change the whole meaning of a sentence. Do you look at her when you talk? Say as few words as you need to to get what u want across. Be patient. If she has Dementia then she no longer can reason or process as quickly what you r saying. I used to say something to my Mom and she wouldn't answer me. I'd say "Mom" and she would say "I am thinking".

Not sure if this will help but I will share it with you.

My situation is very very similar. Except I am the wife and my husband is my carer.
I do all the financing, on line shopping, make appointments. Keep an eye on dates, cook occasionally, etc.
My hubby does all else.
He loses his temper a lot these days.
He gets frustrated. He cannot do all he used to be able to.
I have and am, getting us a little help for various things.
There is a guy in our local church yard (grave digger) He had become a friend of my husband. I managed to get him to come and weed and tidy our garden once a month for an hour or two. I pay him. I had to say that the garden was driving me nuts and could he find someone that would do what I needed doing? Then I put it in his head about us helping the young grave digger and it would help ME greatly.
I have done this with odd job and recently cleaning. I have to 'lie through my teeth' to get it implemented but if it makes life easier for him, then it is worth it. It also makes mine a little easier, as he does not loose it quite so often.
I have to be 'the iron' too. Smooth things over, by diversion, or logical reasoning, or both. Or I have to 'ask for help' and then gush thanks :) Until he feels better.

You will have to get a longer fuse my friend. Take deep breaths. Try and learn a few of the things she does. Do not take them over until you need to BUT be ready. :) And if it is stuff you cannot do, then get in a little help.
Plan a little for the future.

Ask her to come to the doctors WITH you, tell her you are worried about something. Speak to the doctors before you BOTH visit. Make sure the situation is explained before you get there and that the doctor is fully aware of your worries.

Good luck
Oh and keep coming back here, it helps.

Hi Tom
I’m sorry for your wife’s troubles.
Yes you can learn a great deal on this site about dementia and caregiving.
Tom do you have children? Is there someone you trust who can help you when you need it?
I mention this because it sometimes happens that our loved ones care taking becomes so difficult that the caregiver gets sick. It would be good if you have help.
When you visit your own doctor be sure to share your concerns about your wife. He might be able to help you.
Come back often to this site even if it’s only to vent.
I do wish you luck and when you feel angry step away to protect both of you.

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