My mother is 94. My brother and I and paid caregivers have been taking care of her for the last two and a half years and now she is in assisted living. Her mind has slowly been going but since the move seems to be plummeting downhill. This morning, she didn't recognize my brother at first. She is frequently crying when visitors come in, and seems panicky but slowly comes around. She frequently says things that don't make any sense whatsoever and obsesses on a new subject every visit, almost always having to do with just her.
This is my mother--we used to eat lunch together every day, talk about current events, work on the crossword puzzle together, keep each other up on the family. I know this happens. I know people get dementia but it is like a nightmare that doesn't end. I can't help but think about what used to be, and I know that's not helpful. How have people managed to survive this slow, painful loss of their loved one?

My Mom became like a child. She died at 89 and was so frail and old looking. She had an aide at Daycare that saw her at the AL 6 months later and could not believe the change in her. I didn't not deal with it well. I had a hard time even looking at her. There were times she looked at me and nothing was there. Cope, don't think I ever did.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29

I think the slowly part is kind of helpful in a way, you get time to adjust to each new phase. I'm one of those people who needs to know what to expect so I've spent a lot of time reading, web surfing, watching videos and talking about dementia, aging and end of life issues, I think that helps. Beyond that I live in the here and now and don't wallow in the past, I'll save the memories for after she's gone.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to cwillie

You start out by getting her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for meds.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

I don't know. I hate it. my next dread is incontinence.

im sorry to say. and I don't mean harm. but I almost wish something else would take my mother. that having to see her in adult incontinence undies. I saw my dad go thru it. idk I accepted him being like that. it was hard. but for some reason. I dread it for my mother worse.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to wally003