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Oh, girl. I’m so sorry.

The mean part of me wants to smack Chuck on your behalf.

The other part is praying for you, and that Chuck would get his head and mouth in a much better place.

You have helped so many of us here. We are grateful and willing to listen whenever you need to vent.
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Yes Barb, me too. Fear is an ugly thing. Nobody is feeling it quite like I am, either, trapped in a chair for the past 4+ months with no cancer treatment options available to me. Yet I've managed to be kind to my family members. Imagine that.
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More ((((hugs))) and prayers today for you in my synagogue.

I'm sorry your family can't figure out how to be kind right now.
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Lea, hang in there. I'm sorry for what you're both dealing with. My prayers are with you. 💕
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Lea,

My heart hurts for you. I’m so sorry yesterday was such an awful day.

All marriages have their ups and downs, but to hit you below the belt is pretty bad.

I am glad that Chuck apologized for his behavior.

Sending extra hugs your way today!
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I'm here. Yesterday was a bad day, mostly bc Chuck had a big meltdown and hissy fit, pulled out the big guns and called me by my mother's name 3x. For spite. Then told me to go right ahead and take all my pain pills at once, he didn't care. This was never my intention in the first place, as ive told him. He hit below the belt during THE worst time of my life, makng me feel even more alone and empty than ever before. I'm sure he'll "forget" to mention his behavior to my DD bc only his "heroic" actions count, or are worthy of her knowledge. The two of them can team up to Pretend they care about me when I can't even TALK to them. Today Chuck is falling all over himself apologizing for his foul behavior yesterday. Behavior he carefully and purposely orchestrated to cut me deeply. Like I told him, it wasn't an "oops"......it was all pre meditated to elicit a reaction out of me. I hope you were happy with the reaction, bud. Yes, we're both suffering here, he as well as me, but hitting below the belt events should come OFF THE TABLE. Chuck always likes to say, "how should you treat your wife?" Not like THIS! 😑

Hope, yes, isn't it priceless how alone we truly ARE when it comes to fighting our issues? As long as we keep up the smile for others, we're good. Ugh. I have a former co-worker who found a cancerous mass in her endometrial tissue. She posted her Venmo acct info on FB along w mealtrain addy, grocery stores she'd like gift cards to, restaurants, Go Fund Me addy, etc. So far she's gotten lots of replies. That will dry up soon when people tire of her story. That's the way it goes. At first everyone calls and sends cards, etc, which slowly stops as time goes on. This is why I'm so glad to have you all and this thread to post on. The support here is phenomenal. I'm not one for posting a Beg-a-thon on FB.

Beatty, 3 tiny things I'm grateful for: the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the dog is lying in my lap.

Cx, I spent all day Friday in bed. I'm still exhausted today, unfortunately. I go down to 15mg prednisone today, too.
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Hi Lea, You mentioned something the other day that very much resonated with me. You said, "In our society, we are taught to plaster a smile on everything 24/7. Anything else creates discomfort for OTHERS. And oh no......we can't have that." - Without making this about me, I just wanted to say that I can truly relate to that regarding the tough challenges that I'm dealing with in my own life right now, and I, too, have had to suppress myself from even showing emotion to friends and family because they're used to my free spirit and cheerfulness. I have experienced their seeing me otherwise is uncomfortable for them - it becomes more about them. It's like adding insult to injury to me ...so, I've suppressed it all and it's a very empty feeling having to do so. I just wanted to say that you expressed that thought so eloquently, and I really understand it. And for me, it can make a person feel even more alone.

Firstly, my wish for you is for a full healing and recovery and continued strength...and in the interim, you really deserve to be able to express yourself freely without having to hold back or justify yourself to family or anyone - I hope you receive that! 
- sending love and wishing you a peaceful weekend ~
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LL, good morning! Thinking of you. How's it going? Continuing to pray and being expectant of God's mercies. (((hug)))
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Looking for my 3 tiny things to be grateful for today.

That first bite of warm toast, having an afternoon off to watch an old b&w movie, climbing into my comfy bed with an extra wooly winter blanket at the end of the day.

Lea, I so hope you are doing OK today. Maybe you have 3 tiny sparks of joy too. I hope so. Many hugs.
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Lea: Just checking on you. Hope that you're resting.
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Checking on you on Friday afternoon!
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How are you feeling today, Lea? Sending many hugs your way.
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Hope today is better than the past few have been. Reading about the mom who donated her son's organs, makes you believe that there are angels here on Earth.
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(((((Lea))))) - that letter was amazing. God provides what we need when we most need it. Blessings on all of you!
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Lea: What a treasure the donor's letter is!
Sorry that you have a splitting headache. Hope it's gone soon.
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Bmark
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LL, the donor's letter. Just reading about it made *me* cry fps... What a much needed "pick-me-up" straight from heaven.
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Geaton, my DD the RN insisted on the Scopolamine patch bc she has a friend with BPPV who's gotten relief from it. Too bad I don't have BPPV.
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Oh, letter was such a gift!

May God send peace and comfort to that mom.

Thinking of you, today. May God send relief from all of these crazy side effects.

You are treasured, here.
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Lea,

I would have been crying reading a letter from the donor’s mom.

It’s so beautiful for Chuck to be able to read moving words from this mother about her precious first born son.

I wish more people would understand the need for organ donations.

Thank you for sharing this heart warming news. I know it will inspire others to consider donations.

Sadly, we take so much of life for granted.

Often times, we learn the most from people who have been through the darkest days of their lives and somehow they manage to be compassionate towards others in need.
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😭🥰
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Just in case I haven't cried enough lately, Chuck received the most beautiful letter from the liver donor's family in the mail, forwarded by the Mayo Clinic.

The donor was a fourteen year old boy who was his moms first born child. One of 3 siblings. Full of love and light and spunk. His young life was taken way too soon but his mother was so happy to hear that his liver was used to save Chucks life. I've not seen him cry the way he did when he read that shocking news. Who ever expects to hear such a thing?

J's mom gave us her contact info so we can stay in touch. It was a blessing to get this letter, and to hear from her in such a positive way.

Donate Life.
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LL, oh thank goodness it wasn’t the Dorktor who suggested Meclazine. Who suggested the scopolamine patch? I’m sorry it did nothing (except give you a bad headache) but I personally am not surprised it wasn’t at all helpful. I think to just be able to say you’ve literally “tried everything” for the dizziness has some “value” in this situation.
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Lea,

Gosh, headaches and dizziness together…

I’m so sorry.

Sending lots of hugs and saying prayers for relief soon.
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((((Hugs)))), Lea. Taper, taper, taper.

Love you, b
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Geaton.....Dorkter C did not suggest Meclizine, thankfully.....it was the palliative care buffoon who works with the social worker buffoon who did not seem to understand I've seen teams of specialists since early March about all this! If Meclizine wasn't tried at the very beginning, there'd be some serious incompetence going on! Its like saying gee, have you tried Tylenol for a chronic 4+ month headache? Gee no! Nobody ever thought of that! 🙄 Chuck could use the Paxil, I agree, along w a good swift kick in his arse......hes so far in denial it's insane! He's quite pleased with himself for "saving my life" which would be funny if it wasn't such a stupid statement! I wasn't suicidal to begin with, and if I was, what's changed? Nothing. Duh. My statement to him was only that I can't live like this forever, there is no QOL in this condition, etc. Not that I was planning my demise. If he took a moment to LISTEN to me instead of put words in my mouth or "read between the lines", he'd hear me say I want to be steroid free for at least a month to see how I feel and reevaluate things then.

When I told him I wanted a Cold Stone cake bc this might be my last birthday, he said it wasn't WHAT I said but HOW I said it that led him to think I was planning my demise. Really? 🙄

Nhwm, there is nothing to forgive. It's important to me that people understand where I'm coming from with all this. That I don't feel antidepressants will fix this situation for me. But I'm willing to try them to see bc it's important to my loved ones. Yes, they are strongarming me......but IF Paxil will help, I'm willing to try. Ty for being so supportive of me since day one xoxoxoxo.

I put on the Scopolamine patch this morning and immediately got a splitting headache. No improvement in dizziness, naturally. Ugh. But then again, I wasn't expecting an improvement. It lasts 3 days but I'll likely remove it tonight if I notice no difference.
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Good morning Lealonnie from smokey Northern Illinois. (Those Canadian fires can stop anytime now!)

I am so hoping today will be a better day for you. The past few days have sounded pretty rough. Prayers everyday day for you pretty lady ❤️
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LL, maybe it's Chuck who needs the Paxil? I'm not saying this cynically. Is he currently on anything? If he's anything like my hubs, the daily/hourly stress of watching helplessly as your LO suffers with seemingly no solutions or end in sight can take a toll on anyone -- regardless if he's experienced some of it himself. Then the Meclazine suggestion from Dorktor C... I have no words. Thinking of both of you this morning... xoxo
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Lea, forget slapping Dr. C. Drop kick her/him. Maybe eat your Cold Stone cake. The whole thing. Then take some x lax and poop all over his desk. Heck, I could think of all sorts of fun ways to get rid of some frustration.

But seriously, I'm sorry that your Chuck doesn't get it. Or maybe he does and he's just being a man. Remember men need to fix things. I guess he thought he was fixing something by suggesting psychiatry. My DH is the same way.

Don't take the Paxil if you don't want to. I wouldn't take anything to placate someone. If you've decided it may help, then yes. But I wouldn't let someone strongarm you into taking another pill with more possible side effects. Mind you, I'm guessing nobody could strongarm you.

I get so frustrated on your behalf Lea. Still praying.........
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Lea, so sorry for your ordeal. That social worker sounds like a jerk. I hope your dizziness subsides soon and your life improves. My prayers for you continue. Take care.
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